Tag: bipolar management

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Coping

The Power of Medication and Self-Management

I would like to share with you the worst couple of weeks I have had in years and their impact on my mental state.

It started about the second week of December when I interviewed at a local store for a part-time job. Everything seemed awesome. My store manager was a direct, no bullshit kind of guy who had overcome some mental health issues of his own. The job hours were perfectly suited to what I was looking towards. It would have had me in and outside on a regular basis, so no stagnation in four walls constantly. Rather easy going environment so long as you got your work done. Seemed great! Super stoked and happy about the prospect.

I’m offered a job. I go through my self-management practices that I learned in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Being Bipolar, I know from previous experiences that I would often escalate when offered a new job. I would rocket up, be super excited, happy to get going, and then either get myself fired for saying inappropriate things thanks to hypomania removing the filter between my mouth and brain or crash into a mind numbing depression and be unable to function for a few days.

I purposefully avoid thinking about it for about the first 12 hours after I find out. Every time it comes to mind, I push it back out with something else that requires a lot of thought. Reading about economics and finance are my general haven for that. You don’t have to do anything that boring; but having a difficult subject to try and focus on can help derail the thought processes.

Make it through the job offer with no hints of an escalation! Success!

On Monday, December 21st, I go in for my orientation at about 9 A.M. At about 8 or 9 P.M. that night, I start feeling very off. By about two in the morning, my body is violently rejecting anything I had put into it that day. I am forced to call off of work my first scheduled day because my body is expelling everything from it, from both ends, with the force of a geyser.

I’m hoping this turns out to be a 24 hour bug. NOPE! I’m repeating this process for a good 48 hours until I am finally able to eat and actually keep things in my stomach. Though my stomach seems to be settled, my intestines weren’t quite finished with me. I tried to go into work that day. I was there for an hour going through training before I realized, “If I bend over or try to pick up something heavy, I’m going to shit myself.”

I get sent home because I can’t do my job. This goes on for about 5 more days. Maximum dosages of anti-diarrhea medicine don’t touch what’s going on in my intestines.

So, let’s rewind for a minute.

The day of my work orientation, I’m driving home and my engine makes three hard fires and then starts driving like a tank. I’m like, okay, I have a misfire. I get in to a mechanic some days later to find out that one of my cylinders has no compression and is scored severely. Diagnosis of trashed engine. $4500 that I don’t have for a remanufactured engine and installation or shop for a different used car. Only reason I’m not going to be driving a $500 beater is my folks were willing to help me with it.

On Day 2 of this ordeal, I get a call from Social Security. “We never received paperwork for reexamining your Disability case. You are going to lose your benefits if we don’t hear from you.” I immediately call and find out they sent me paperwork in JULY that I don’t remember ever seeing. The social worker I’m dealing with gives me until January 12th to file a new set of paperwork. (Seriously, be nice to these people. They are there to help you, even when they are giving you news you don’t want to hear.)

At this point; I’m stressed out about being sick, figuring I’ll lose my job for missing so much work in my probationary period, figuring out what I’m going to do about a vehicle with no credit and the couple hundred bucks I have, and the potential for losing Social Security and medical insurance.

I’m proactive about communicating with my work to show that I want to be there, that I want to work. My Store Manager decides he doesn’t want to fire me if I have a legitimate medical excuse (good guy, boss) even though I should be let go. Unfortunately, I can’t get in to get cleared to return to work, per company policy, until January 4th. I get cleared, I go in January 6th.

I’m like awesome, came out of this with my job intact! I go in, work on January 6th. January 7th, I report for work. I ended up losing the job anyways. Fun stuff.

The only response I could muster was laughter…for about five straight minutes. It was one of the deepest belly laughs I’ve had in years. Why?

No unwell cycle. Because of medication, the practices I learned through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and the things I’ve come up with for myself – no unwell cycle. Some depression, sure. But my brain isn’t screaming at me to kill myself nor is it running unchecked into mania. Ten years ago, the circumstances like this would have rocketed my brain into a severe unwell cycle and screwed me up for months; just like I’m sure it would for many of my readers out there.

Bipolar Disorder can be a daunting, intimidating illness. It is especially scary for people who are newly diagnosed or do not know much about their mental illness. The more you learn, the smaller the teeth on the monster become. It will always have some teeth. There is a possibility that I could have triggered and had an unwell cycle because of this no matter what I did. No one should be complacent in the management of the Disorder and making sure they keep it controlled. I identified that I was entering a turbulent time and responded with my contingency plans for dealing with my brain during them.

Knowledge, planning, and tools from the mental health industry are why I’m not out of my fucking mind right now. Anyone can learn to do these things. It’s a lot of work and it’s not easy. I don’t always get it right and neither will you. Derailing just one unwell cycle can greatly reduce the overall chaos in the life of a Bipolar person and their loved ones.

In other news, I’ll be using the time I have between applying for new jobs to begin working on my third e-book in earnest. The next to come will deal with my observations and suggestions in creating more harmonious Bipolar relationships (friends, family, love), identifying toxic situations and when it is time to let go, common mistakes I see people make regularly, strategies for dealing with different situations, and more! Like all my work, it will be written to be equally useful for mentally ill people and the people that love them.

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Coping

Bipolar Disorder: A Tirade on Internet Non-Information

So I had originally planned a different blog post for today, but after someone showed me the included image graphic and “study,” I decided it would be a better idea to post my thoughts on it instead. I feel it is an excellent example of non-information – or information that isn’t actually useful information – about mental illness on the internet.

First, you’ll need to take a look at this link on ‘What Patients Say Works for Bipolar Disorder’ (original is Bipolar Managed Best Without Drugs: 227 Patients Respond) that a recently diagnosed Bipolar person shared with me. Said person is looking for information on how to manage the Disorder and get it under control. Like many people, that person turned to the internet for information.

Second, the rest of this post will consist of my tirade about these posts.

1. Might as well start at the beginning. Click-bait title for the first, a misleading title for the second.

2. The domains they appear on. Blogs on .com websites are not viable resources. What are? Links from some news sites, acknowledged online journals, .gov, and .edu sites. How do I know this? Because as a marketer, I did a lot of writing for law blogs that would be reviewed by the owner of the blog (the lawyers) to ensure it would pass scrutiny, including if they were dragged before a legal board to explain anything presented in it. Some news websites, acknowledged online journals, .gov, and .edu sites are MOST LIKELY (not always) to be accepted as viable resources. Nothing else, INCLUDING several news websites.

3. The use of language in the articles. You’ll note that they use words like “study,” “research,” and “research findings.” The author also uses what are called “weasel words” that remove them from legal obligation. “These findings SEEM to suggest.” Any qualifier like that renders the argument invalid as an actual resource because it leaves a legal loophole to escape from. “Oh, we didn’t say it was the ONLY way or it was the truth, we just said it SEEMED that way. It’s not our fault our readers have poor comprehension.” No, that is not an insult to anyone that overlooked it. That is the argument that would be used if they were dragged before a court on their bullshit. In the same way that it is not libel or slander if I suggest that the creators of this “study” MAY POSSIBLY be manipulative shitheads. I am not asserting that as truth, I am only implying it.

4. I see a lot of insinuation style “professional speak”. What I don’t see is a “Dr.” anywhere. So where are the doctors associated with this “study” that was conducted? Well, let me just dig a little bit through the links and…

5. Oh, neat. It’s actually an aggregation of a RANDOM ONLINE QUIZ of what various respondents answered on the quiz. So it’s not actually a study or research at all. There’s no control or doctors. The original site posted a random quiz, pulled information from it, plotted it on a chart, and called it a “study.” I’m just going to launch into a bullet-point list here to expand this thought process…

– No verification if the respondents are actually Bipolar or suffer from any other mental illness that could have skewed results. Most Bipolar people I know have multiple mental illnesses.

– No control on what other substances the respondents are putting into their body. Other meds, drugs, alcohol, and shitloads of other things can affect one’s balance.

– No quality of life control. So “Bipolar Managed Best Without Drugs”, eh? How is the “study” defining success? How is the “study” defining a meaningful, productive quality of life? Does the person who wrote the text for the “study” even understand what the hell that means?

– No identification of specifics relating to the DIFFERENT TYPES OF BIPOLAR DISORDER. Oh hey – Type 1s, Type 2s, Cyclothemic, and NOS diagnoses don’t all present the same. Therefore, each and every single person with a different diagnosis, and every person within that diagnosis is going to require a UNIQUE approach to find THEIR OWN wellness. Why? Because your brain chemistry is complex and unique to you. One size CANNOT fit all in pushing towards wellness.

– No qualifiers or control on what said “treatment” or “management” is actually meant to manage. Let’s look at the most “positive” result for managing Bipolar Disorder, according to this “study.” Exercise. How many people are aware that too much exercise can throw a Bipolar person into an escalated cycle or make it worse? Theorycrafting here; I suspect it is similar to the Fight or Flight mechanism in that the body is tricking itself into an escalated cycle. There are physiological processes that overlap that essentially trick the brain into believing it is escalated, so it escalates. Or if the person already is escalated, they may decide to hit the gym for 4-8 hours to try and work off some energy, only succeeding in further destabilizing themselves. I’ve known three different Bipolar “health nuts” who have done this to themselves – one of which ended in a successful suicide.

Exercise is absolutely healthy and helpful. It can absolutely help reduce depression and make it more manageable. But what about for a Bipolar person that is mostly functional with a high-functioning baseline? Too much exercise could throw them into an escalated cycle, torpedo their stability, or aggravate other physical health problems.

6. The ONLY thing that this link is useful for is to grab a list of common ways people try to deal with the Disorder to SPEAK WITH YOUR PROFESSIONAL ABOUT. It speaks nothing to the viability of those treatments. It says nothing of the respondents, their quality of life, or other factors that could be contributing to instability. It does not quantify whether or not respondents actually took their medication as directed, as opposed to how they thought they should. It’s just a random list of information that lets the reader fill in whatever blanks they want for themselves.

Do you want to get well? Do you want to manage the Disorder? Go to your doctor, therapist, or relevant professional and talk to them. Communicate. Explore options. If you want to try “natural management” first, great. Do it with the help of a therapist or doctor, not with the help of the “original author” Alexandra Carmichael, who, by the way, is most likely a fictitious person that they post their information under so they can just “fire/disappear” that writer if anything splashes back on the website. Which is a standard operating procedure for blogs like this, which again, I know because I’ve worked alongside of the people who do this shit.

Bipolar Disorder is a serious, severe mental illness. The ONLY way you can know what will or won’t work for YOU is by trying things the way they are meant to be tried. And if it doesn’t work, you talk to your doctor and amend your approach. You know, so you have a knowledgeable ally involved if your brain is screaming into insanity.

Mental illness is a complex medical problem where you NEED a knowledgeable person involved in some way to pursue wellness; or at least to warn you when you’re about to do something stupid that could potentially kill you.

This tirade has been brought to you by Dennis, a random Bipolar man with zero credentials. You know, a fact that the “alleged” assclowns that created this “study” failed to publicly acknowledge themselves. Alleged shitheads.

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Coping

Focus: Another Facet of Wellness

I spend a lot of time talking about the infrastructure and medical sides of pursuing wellness. I do my best to produce work that anyone can pick up and find something useful in. To that end, I don’t think I’ve been giving due consideration to the other aspects that significantly contribute to finding wellness. These include points like spirituality and perspective. By spirituality, I do not mean religious. I mean things that help people feel good about themselves, their lives, and push towards inner peace.

There are many routes for accomplishing these goals. Whatever works for you is great. I’m going to share some things that have helped me just to provide a place to start looking.

On Calming Fears and Controlling Intangibles

I’m often asked about the specifics on the way I address stresses in life. I’ve commented on it regularly, trying to articulate my point of view in an understandable way. But then, I read “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius and realized that someone already said what I was saying a couple thousand years ago. Aurelius is considered the father of Stoicism, which is a Westernized version of many concepts found in Zen-Buddhism. (Note: “Meditations” is a classic, historical text so it is available for free in many locations. Here is a website copy and here is a PDF copy.)

A concept I use on a regular basis involves the principle of Focus. In regards to mood disorders like anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, and depression; external stresses can cause the person to throw themselves into an unwell state or make an unwell state worse. The focus tenet essentially states to put your attention on what is before you, most important, and work passionately to accomplish that task. When that task is completed, shift your focus to the next and do the same. Break down large tasks into their basic components and focus passionately on accomplishing each of them.

You’ve probably heard many variants of this principle before.

Example 1:

Jack has bills stacking up and needs money. Therefore, his the overall goal is to find a source of income. The most obvious choice is to find a job of some kind. How do you get a job? Application and follow up. Jack is facing a lot of stresses. What’s going to happen if he can’t find a job? Where’s he going to be in a month, two months, six months? Who is going to hire him? How can find a job more effectively? What options does he have?

A lot of that bloat is unessential for his primary goal of finding a job. He needs to get applications out there to start being considered. So instead of worrying about the deluge of stresses, he focuses on finding the places to apply to and getting those applications in. It doesn’t matter how many applications he puts in. It doesn’t matter how many times he is rejected. What does matter is that he needs an income, a job, and applications are the way to accomplish that. Sooner or later, something will break loose and he will accomplish that goal.

Example 2:

Mary finally realizes that her mental illness is the root of many problems in her life. She decides to apply for Disability. Upon further research, she finds a mass of information on the system being unfair, how other people have gotten screwed, how people abuse the system, and tons of opinions on what people should do or not do. It is very easy to get caught up in those details and opinions because there are an unending amount of them. Ultimately, none of those things really matter for Mary and her path. Instead of looking at all of the other surrounding information, she should simply sit down and fill out the application to the best of her ability. All of those other opinions and extra information is unimportant, because it does not get Mary any closer to an approval or rejection. An application does.

I am not suggesting that anyone totally ignore the looming problems. They absolutely need thought about and preparations made, but there must be a limit. I cannot count the number of people with mood disorders I’ve known to make themselves unwell with continued and incessant worry over things they have no control over. Think about it, devise a course of action, and then force it out of your mind.

Assigning specific times for thought is a good idea as well. “Alright, I’m going to think about and look for a solution to X problem from 6 to 7 PM.” Do so, and then force it from your mind. There comes a point when thinking about the problem is no longer providing any benefit. It is only feeding into potential unwellness by dwelling on shit we have no control over.

No, this is not easy to do. Yes, it takes a lot of practice. And I can hear it now, “easier said than done!” Yes, everything is easier said than done. I’m not even sure why that is a saying, but whatever.

A Bipolar person can also use this to help minimize the impact of an unwell cycle once they have identified they have triggered. It’s pretty common for Bipolar people to continue to dwell and stress about the trigger they experience, which just helps propel them to a further extreme by focusing on that and all the ‘what if’s’ and intangibles that go along with it. Learning to stay in the present can help turn a potentially major unwell cycle into a minor one. Practice, practice, practice.

How I Distract Myself from Unproductive Thoughts

I have a few go to tactics that I use to distract myself from unproductive thought processes. I love stand up comedy, so I will toss on someone’s stand up special or listen to some on Youtube. I also enjoy reading and learning about things relating to financial industries, history, and archaeology. All of these subjects require undivided attention to really process and retain. If I’m focusing on understanding some economic principle, then I’m not thinking about whatever stressful thought is hanging over my head. And the last major one is Sudoku puzzles. They are logic puzzles that require active thinking to solve.

The unifying thread is that the distracting medium should requires me to actively think about the subject. In doing so, I keep my brain from just wandering back onto the subject that is currently threatening to spin me out into an unwell cycle.

The same principle is true for anxiety management. As anyone with anxiety can verify, it’s always way worse in the brain than what we will actually experience in the world. Utilizing strong self-management can help keep minor anxiety-provoking thought processes from exploding into severe ones.

These principles are also very common ones to learn from a therapist. You just have to ask.

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