Tag: anxiety

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Coping Self-Help Slider

The Joys of Unexpected Events and Bipolar Disorder

The unexpected can easily threaten one’s stability and well-being when you are mentally ill. For the better part of January, I have been largely quiet on my blog. The reason is due to an unexpected circumstance that threatened an unwell cycle. Thanks to medication, practices I learned in therapy, and the knowledge I have built about how my mental illness affects me specifically, I was able to keep that stress from exploding into a full-blown unwell cycle.

The benefit of psych medication, for me, is that it prevents Bipolar Disorder from pulling my mind out into extremes. There are times when I feel like my brain is trying to escalate or crash into depression but it just hits a metaphorical wall and won’t go any further than that. But it does still like to hang out in those more troublesome areas where greater volatility can further threaten my stability.

And that’s where practices I learned in therapy and on my own come into play.

I think most people can agree that the more you dwell on a matter, the greater power you give it to affect you. In dealing with a mood disorder, dwelling on stresses, emotions, and other troubling circumstances not only fans the flames, but throws more fuel on them so they just burn brighter.

I strive to limit the amount of attention I give to circumstances that are beyond my control. In this case, I was unenrolled from a program that was paying my Medicare premiums about three months ago, but they did not actually adjust what I was receiving from Disability. I received no notification that this was happening, for whatever reason. I found this out when the government reclaimed those funds through a deduction that cut January’s payment by 2/3rds.

Shit situation? Absolutely. Anything I can do about it? Not according to Social Security.

It’s important to confront problems head on. The longer they fester, the worse off they will get. Ignoring them is the worst thing you can do. But, it’s really easy for anxiety, depression, or Bipolar Disorder to make everything feel overwhelming. We need to attempt to strike a middle ground. I do that by dedicating a certain amount of time to working on that problem and then forcing my brain onto different subject matter. This is not something that is easy to do initially! It’s a skill you need to work on. It does get easier with time and effort.

In this case, I allotted two hours to researching what happened and looking for a solution (not counting the time I spent on hold!) That culminated in a handful of phone calls to various offices and discovering there was nothing I could do to affect the situation. From there, any additional thoughts or energy dedicated to it would simply be wasted. It’s just potential fuel for the fires of unwellness to ignite and burn.

Whenever I find myself dwelling on what happened, I redirect my thoughts onto something else that requires greater focus. The more complex, the more I get immersed, the less energy I’m giving to thoughts that could spiral out of control.

This also works pretty well in trying to support a loved one who is being hit with unwell or anxiety-driven thoughts. If I know what the person’s interests are, I will ask them what their favorite thing about that interest is. As I get them talking about it, I’ll just keep asking questions about various details about the hobby or thing until I can tell they are calming down. If I don’t know, I’ll just ask them what their favorite thing is and start unwinding from there. It can take a few minutes, but it’s a really good way to derail anxiety or unwell thoughts.

I would like to close off this post by thanking the several people who sent me, “are you okay?” messages. I do appreciate them. I am okay, just dealing with my mental illness.

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Coping

Focus: Another Facet of Wellness

I spend a lot of time talking about the infrastructure and medical sides of pursuing wellness. I do my best to produce work that anyone can pick up and find something useful in. To that end, I don’t think I’ve been giving due consideration to the other aspects that significantly contribute to finding wellness. These include points like spirituality and perspective. By spirituality, I do not mean religious. I mean things that help people feel good about themselves, their lives, and push towards inner peace.

There are many routes for accomplishing these goals. Whatever works for you is great. I’m going to share some things that have helped me just to provide a place to start looking.

On Calming Fears and Controlling Intangibles

I’m often asked about the specifics on the way I address stresses in life. I’ve commented on it regularly, trying to articulate my point of view in an understandable way. But then, I read “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius and realized that someone already said what I was saying a couple thousand years ago. Aurelius is considered the father of Stoicism, which is a Westernized version of many concepts found in Zen-Buddhism. (Note: “Meditations” is a classic, historical text so it is available for free in many locations. Here is a website copy and here is a PDF copy.)

A concept I use on a regular basis involves the principle of Focus. In regards to mood disorders like anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, and depression; external stresses can cause the person to throw themselves into an unwell state or make an unwell state worse. The focus tenet essentially states to put your attention on what is before you, most important, and work passionately to accomplish that task. When that task is completed, shift your focus to the next and do the same. Break down large tasks into their basic components and focus passionately on accomplishing each of them.

You’ve probably heard many variants of this principle before.

Example 1:

Jack has bills stacking up and needs money. Therefore, his the overall goal is to find a source of income. The most obvious choice is to find a job of some kind. How do you get a job? Application and follow up. Jack is facing a lot of stresses. What’s going to happen if he can’t find a job? Where’s he going to be in a month, two months, six months? Who is going to hire him? How can find a job more effectively? What options does he have?

A lot of that bloat is unessential for his primary goal of finding a job. He needs to get applications out there to start being considered. So instead of worrying about the deluge of stresses, he focuses on finding the places to apply to and getting those applications in. It doesn’t matter how many applications he puts in. It doesn’t matter how many times he is rejected. What does matter is that he needs an income, a job, and applications are the way to accomplish that. Sooner or later, something will break loose and he will accomplish that goal.

Example 2:

Mary finally realizes that her mental illness is the root of many problems in her life. She decides to apply for Disability. Upon further research, she finds a mass of information on the system being unfair, how other people have gotten screwed, how people abuse the system, and tons of opinions on what people should do or not do. It is very easy to get caught up in those details and opinions because there are an unending amount of them. Ultimately, none of those things really matter for Mary and her path. Instead of looking at all of the other surrounding information, she should simply sit down and fill out the application to the best of her ability. All of those other opinions and extra information is unimportant, because it does not get Mary any closer to an approval or rejection. An application does.

I am not suggesting that anyone totally ignore the looming problems. They absolutely need thought about and preparations made, but there must be a limit. I cannot count the number of people with mood disorders I’ve known to make themselves unwell with continued and incessant worry over things they have no control over. Think about it, devise a course of action, and then force it out of your mind.

Assigning specific times for thought is a good idea as well. “Alright, I’m going to think about and look for a solution to X problem from 6 to 7 PM.” Do so, and then force it from your mind. There comes a point when thinking about the problem is no longer providing any benefit. It is only feeding into potential unwellness by dwelling on shit we have no control over.

No, this is not easy to do. Yes, it takes a lot of practice. And I can hear it now, “easier said than done!” Yes, everything is easier said than done. I’m not even sure why that is a saying, but whatever.

A Bipolar person can also use this to help minimize the impact of an unwell cycle once they have identified they have triggered. It’s pretty common for Bipolar people to continue to dwell and stress about the trigger they experience, which just helps propel them to a further extreme by focusing on that and all the ‘what if’s’ and intangibles that go along with it. Learning to stay in the present can help turn a potentially major unwell cycle into a minor one. Practice, practice, practice.

How I Distract Myself from Unproductive Thoughts

I have a few go to tactics that I use to distract myself from unproductive thought processes. I love stand up comedy, so I will toss on someone’s stand up special or listen to some on Youtube. I also enjoy reading and learning about things relating to financial industries, history, and archaeology. All of these subjects require undivided attention to really process and retain. If I’m focusing on understanding some economic principle, then I’m not thinking about whatever stressful thought is hanging over my head. And the last major one is Sudoku puzzles. They are logic puzzles that require active thinking to solve.

The unifying thread is that the distracting medium should requires me to actively think about the subject. In doing so, I keep my brain from just wandering back onto the subject that is currently threatening to spin me out into an unwell cycle.

The same principle is true for anxiety management. As anyone with anxiety can verify, it’s always way worse in the brain than what we will actually experience in the world. Utilizing strong self-management can help keep minor anxiety-provoking thought processes from exploding into severe ones.

These principles are also very common ones to learn from a therapist. You just have to ask.

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Coping General

How #TheDress Demonstrates Mood Disorder Unwellness

The whole #TheDress thing is a pretty awesome example of how a person’s perception shapes the way they look at the world around them. One’s initial perception may show it as white and gold, but if you look at it long enough, your brain corrects it to the blue and black dress it actually is. It’s the same sort of thing as magic eye puzzles where an image would jump out of the noise at you.

It is an apt demonstration of the way perceptions stained by mood disorder can function as well.

As an example:

I step around a corner and see my partner hugging some guy I don’t know.

Manic: Rage. I knew she was cheating on me. Confrontation, yelling, and general shittiness. (White and Gold Dress)

Depression: I knew it. I’m no good for her or anyone else. Of course she would want to throw me aside. I’m going to lose her. I’m going to lose everything I care about. Self-loathing, maybe self-harm or suicide attempts. (White and Gold Dress)

Truth: Blind accusations are damaging no matter what they are. Even if I don’t necessarily “trust” her; I ask who he is. Maybe he’s a friend from college I had previously met but entirely forgot about. Maybe he’s a cousin I haven’t met. The point is, a hug is no indicator of unfaithfulness. (Blue and Black Dress)

And that is why it is a good example. So many people are looking at this picture of #TheDress and see two different things. When it comes to being bipolar or depressed, we have something similar going on with our feelings and emotions. Except for us, it’s whatever unwell thinking our brain funnels us about our loved ones or today being the day to commit suicide.

The fact of the matter is – the truth is buried in there underneath the emotional instability and unwellness. That’s why I do not trust my emotions when I’m trying to interpret something that is going on in my life. I work to cut through how I feel and push towards the reality of the situation.

I always strive to react without anger or emotion clouding me so the hypomania or depression does not have a chance to creep in and fuck things up by seeding disastrous thoughts in my mind.

So the next time you are looking at a loved one with a mood disorder, wondering what the hell is going on in their head, try and remember that they are seeing the white and gold dress at the moment. Their emotions and perception is clouded by the unstable, often irrational thoughts. Counter their emotions by pointing out facts and adhering tightly to them.

And if you suffer from a mood disorder – be it Anxiety, Depression, or Bipolar Disorder – drastic emotion paves the way for instability. That does not mean you strive not to feel or numb everything. It does mean we should all strive to not respond or react out of emotion. Identify the facts about the situation and address it after you have had a little time to really look at what you’re faced with.

I find myself constantly reminding myself of facts and reality if I am pushing back against unwell thinking. You can envision it like two people arguing in my head. The unwell side is trying to introduce chaotic thoughts and feelings. The other side of my brain is shouting it down with the facts about the situation. I may even write out a list of all of the facts of the situation so when the unwell thoughts start creeping in, I can just go back and read the list I wrote for myself to KNOW what the reality is before my unwellness really starts to take hold.

Unwell cycles typically take a little time to fully get rolling. Not dwelling on the emotions and reminding ourselves that we are actually looking at a blue and black dress, instead of a white and gold dress, can go a long way towards minimizing the total impact of an unwell cycle.

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Coping Depression kimmymc80 Self-Help

A Pill-less Cure For Anxiety and Panic #MentalHealth #PanicAttacks #Anxiety #Faith #GodCanDoAnything

In my last post I briefly spoke about my spiritual awakening that occurred during one of my stays in a psychiatric hospital. I would like to discuss this a step further and give you some tips on how to alleviate panic for good.

First I would like to share my experience in full with you.

After I was in full remission from my eating disorder and self mutilation I began to suffer from debilitating panic attacks among other things. During these bouts of panic and mania I was drugged beyond imagination since I suffered from seizures because of the attacks that were happening over 30 times a day. The doctors just kept pouring liquid xanax into my system every time I would awaken with another bout that would make me nearly seize out of my hospital bed.

During one of my hospital stays I finally gained a moment of clarity and screamed out “NO MORE DRUGS”! I realized that all they were doing was placing a blanket over my deep rooted problems and not fixing anything. I continued to panic and seize for days and had to be institutionalized.

While in the psychiatric hospital I continued to have panic attacks that made me see actual spiritual warfare in front of my very eyes. I could see angels and demons fighting over my soul. I thought I was going crazy because there were no windows in my room and I continuously saw darkness and light fighting each other.

In one of my deepest bouts of panic I remembered that if you were to say in the name of Jesus I command you to flee then all evil will flee because they are scared “poopless” of the mention of His name.

I screamed at the top of my lungs “Father, I give EVERYTHING to you (my mental health, my finances, my medication, my doctors, and everything else I could think of that I was trying to control) and in the name of JESUS I command all evil to leave”.

It was like lightning struck down from heaven and at that moment the darkness fled from my room and my room was lit up with an amazing, spectacular light that was so warm and inviting. I saw hundreds of angels filling my room to the brim and felt a peace like never before come over me and calmed my seizing in an instant.

At the time I thought I was just seeing things and was most likely crazy,  but all I knew was that I was starting to level off. After a few days without panic I was finally dismissed from the hospital.

Once I got home the panic started again and every time all I had to do was mention the name of my precious savior Jesus and the it would flee. After a few months of going back and forth with this I knew that until I became deep rooted in his word and prayed over my house then nothing was ever going to change.

I immediately began to look up scripture that had anything to do with panic and anxiety. I learned that Elijah was the first man in recorded history to suffer from panic attacks (1 Kings 19) and it was by listening to God’s soft spoken voice and obeying that he was able to overcome.

You see God doesn’t always have a loud booming voice and not everyone will experience lightning coming from the Heavens or an earthquake. Sometimes God speaks to us in a soft whisper and it is up to us to discern what it is that he is saying to us.  By staying rooted in the Word of God and by casting all of my concerns on Him I have been blessed to not suffer from severe anxiety like I used to. Of course I get scared and anxious, we all do, but the moment I gave it all to God and call on Jesus, everything always works itself out.

I would like to take this opportunity to share with you the verses that I found to help me the most in my times of panic. Psalm 43:5 says that hope in God is a cure. Psalm 94:19 states “In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.”

Proverbs 12:25 “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.”  When we are anxious or tormented by inner thoughts of excessive fear and concern, we feel overwhelmed and depressed. Depression literally comes from pressing down all the anxiety and troublesome thoughts into our spirit. It is a serious problem in our world. But thankfully God provides ways out of our depression. One way is when someone speaks a “good word”. Bondages can be broken and fears can be driven away through the anointed words of God’s servants.

Philippians 4:6-7 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Christians do not have to live in a state of anxiety, worry, fear, and confusion. In fact being anxious is actually a sin. Please do not let these words scare you or think I am trying to make you feel bad. For all of us sin and fall short in some way or another. The secret to overcoming anxiety is to rejoice constantly in the Lord and to pray to God thanking Him for His provision, His goodness, and His mercy both past and future.

But you say, why should I thank the person that made me this way, to suffer from mental illness and disease? I say to you that it was not God that gave you illness or disease, but Satan who is alive and well and ruler of this disease ridden earth.

You say “Where was God when I was suffering?”  To that I answer this: Once you ask God to leave you alone, leave your government, your family, your schools, and your mind, He will do just that because he is a gentleman and will leave when you ask Him to. Once you cry out “Oh, God where are you?” He answers, “I am right here, I never left your side, you just asked me to shut up and leave you alone, so I did”.

When you know that your heavenly Father is taking care of your business you can allow the peace of God to fill your life. God’s peace is not dependent on outward circumstances. It is a supernatural peace that comes from knowing God is in control. What you must do is give over All control to God in order to fully receive this peace.

Philippians 4:19 “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”  People in the world are always uptight about their money and having their needs met. In fact, they spend all of their time and energy on pursuit of security. The believer in Jesus Christ is to live a life free from the fear of lack of finances or any other thing. God has promised in His Word that He will take care of all of our needs through his infinite resources.

1 Peter 5:6-7 “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, 7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”  Care: merimna (mer-im-nah): Believers are given the secret to winning over anxiety and tension by casting all of their care onto Christ. The word merimna comes from meiro, “to divide,” and noos, “the mind.” The world denotes distractions, anxieties, burdens, and worries. Merimna means to be anxious beforehand about daily life. Such worry is unnecessary, because the Father’s love provides for both our daily needs and our special needs.

Believers are not to live “stressed out,” “burnt out” lives. Part of being spiritual is learning how to cast our care upon God and let Him carry the load, because He is strong enough to take it! People were not designed to live under anxiety,  tension, and stress. The secret is to be able to release those things to he Lord and to trust Him totally to take care of us.

Do not let the great deceiver, Satan, tell you that you are not good enough to be saved or that you are not smart enough to comprehend this because that is just the type of lies that he thrives off of. If we humble ourselves before God, which means if we five our tension, tears, fears, concerns, anxiety and stress to Him, He can do something about it. As long as we are holding onto our burdens, God will not move in to change things.

Some more verses to turn to: Matthew 6:31-34 basically says that God promised that those who seek Him and put His kingdom first will have their needs met. Therefore, do not worry. There is absolutely nothing God can’t and won’t heal, Jeremiah 32:27. God can work a miracle for you, Jeremiah 33:3.

I hope that this helps all of you reading this. If you have any questions feel free to ask. If you have any comments, I want to hear them.

Much love and abundant blessings,

Kimmy

http://withoutalabel.me/