No one wants to make their loved one more unwell or feel worse about their situation than they already do. Quite a few people that deal with mental illness know it does have an affect on them and the people around them. Granted, there are some people that have either not made that realization or they are just selfish assholes. Be that as it may; there is no reason for anyone to roll over and simply be walked all over. It is in everyone’s best interests to approach discrepancies with healthy skepticism.
The problem with mood disorders is that they so drastically warp the perceptions of the person experiencing it that they may legitimately not have any idea why they are doing what they are. For example, there was a period of time when I was a teenager when I thought God was talking directly to me on a daily basis. That’s how far into the extremes of Bipolar Disorder and disconnected from reality I was. When you’re that unwell, everything can seem like a good idea- especially if God is suggesting it to you.
When I rebalanced, I had no idea what the fuck I was thinking during that period of time. I wanted to put it behind me because I couldn’t make sense of it. I also made some very strange decisions during that period of time which is not unique to just me. Everyone with a mood disorder is going to make bad or strange decisions based on their interpretation of reality unless they know how to identify and manage their unwellness.
Mental illness is often very quiet and stews in the mind of the individual. To identify and root out unwell thinking, we have to be proactive in identifying the potential indicators. A very significant and powerful indicator is just that a particular claim does not add up. Does that mean the person is manipulative? Not necessarily. It could simply be a case of the person making a decision while their brain is unwell and their perspective is skewed out of proportion.
Thus, we want to get to the bedrock of the situation. The facts, the absolute truth where emotion plays no role. I feel this is essential in separating unwell thinking from normal thinking or just plain shitty behavior on the part of the unwell person. A mood disorder will take that small seed of truth and blow it up into a full grown tree. But if the seed is a pine cone and you’re looking at an oak; something is amiss. That something is quite likely the warped perception of an unwell thought process.
If things don’t add up- ask questions. If you find yourself saying “that’s bullshit”- look for the truth. You won’t be able to come to a concise conclusion every time but it’s still worth doing for the sake of everyone concerned. The person with the mood disorder may be in an unwell cycle and not realize it. They could potentially be doing damage to your lives thinking they are on the right path. The sooner you sniff out this erroneous thinking the faster you can minimize the damage.
On the other hand, there are plenty of people with a boyfriend/girlfriend they aren’t sure how to handle. It’s great to want to be there for someone you care about but the unfortunate truth is that there are still plenty of shitty people in the world; mentally ill or not. You want to be skeptical to ensure you are protecting yourself and your interests in the event that the person is not who they claim to be. They may also be the type of person who uses their mental illness and problems as an excuse to treat other people like crap. That is not something that anyone should put up with.
Skepticism is healthy for any relationship. Yes, trust is so important to the long-term health of the relationship. But it should never be blind. Facts and truth don’t care about how you feel about them or what you believe- they simply are. There is no more important tool in the management of a mood disorder.
Subscribe to have blog posts and news delivered straight to your Inbox!
3 replies on “Always Be Willing To Question Discrepancies”
your thoughts seem factual but truth be told there is something wrong just can’t put my finger on it. maybe i’m just too tired sorry will ponder later
I live in the southwest and I remarried almost three year ago my ex was a Vietnam veteran I lived with him for twenty years then finally left with nothing I remarried to a iraqi veteran he has PTSD and a gambling addiction and every month he causes Sa A argument over nothing so he can call the police and put restraining order on me and it has messed up my record so I can not work he has mentally drained me with worring if I will have a place to stay he keeps me homless because he wants to gamble all the time and then he will tell the police iam hitting him and being abusive toward him and its not true I do everything for him physically iam at the point I don’t want to live anymore iam an ex addict not even a year clean. But im clean and when he throws me out like this I cant get my meds for my treatment I dont know what to do because I depended on my husband who promised to take care of me thu sickness and health and then tourturs me what do I do just blow myself away I have nothing I gave up my job for him he tried to get me to abandon my kids hes got major problems and someone needs to step in and help me or im headed for disaster
Hello there, Misty. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Please note: I removed your full name and personally identifying information from your post. You should not talk about these kinds of problems on the internet with full names attached so search engines do not connect your name with them in the event someone decides to google you in the future.
I would highly advise that you reach out to the national crisis/suicide hotline immediately. 1-800-273-8255. They handle much more than immediate suicide threats. It sounds as though you are stuck in an abusive relationship and will likely need to reach out to an organization that helps serve the abuse victims in your area. The people at the Crisis line should be able to help you find and connect with services that can help you with your situation. This isn’t a situation for random internet information or someone without professional experience.
Seek professional help. Try the crisis line or contact whatever the equivalent is for your local Job and Family Services. They should have a collection of 800 numbers for local organizations that can help you in your situation. The organizations you’ll want to inquire about are for abused and battered women and domestic violence. Even if he hasn’t been physically abusive to you, his actions are still very much in the realm of abuse.
Gains can always be made so long as you’re still here to do it. Don’t give up hope. Don’t give up on your addiction recovery. I know it hurts to feel that kind of betrayal, but from the sound of your post it seems like your husband isn’t even capable of taking care of himself with the way he treats you. Seek help immediately!