high functioning autism – Your Bipolar Friend

Of MMR Vaccines, Autism, And Terrible People

Today’s article is going to be a bit different and drawn from a reemerging topic. Trends are a flyin’ because of a recent celebrity statement from Kristin Cavallari about her concerns that vaccines cause autism. You may or may not remember that this belief was originally championed by the illustrious Jenny McCarthy. But this is not a trash article on Kristin or Jenny; it instead serves to reinforce a point I harp endlessly about.

To get to that point we must ask the question, “Where did this connection between the MMR vaccination and autism come from?”

In 1998, the medical journal The Lancet published a research paper that supported the connection between the MMR vaccine, autism, and colitis. The media, of course, had a field day in promoting this belief far and wide to the point that celebrities like McCarthy picked up on it as well. And really, it’s understandable. My son and I are both high-functioning autistic and it’s easy to see in relatives that came before me. You have this incredibly damaging disorder that isn’t well understood and people need a place to point the finger.

The problem was with the bearer of the report. Science is subject to constant review and rechecking. Some interesting things about Dr. Andrew Wakefield, the primary author of the report, began to come to light. Such as- being connected to a lawsuit linked to the study in which he received payment to “find” a link.

The Lancet retracted the report, a rare action since the foundation of the medical journal in 1823. All of the co-authors of the report withdrew their names from it as they stated Wakefield misrepresented the information they had contributed. Further investigation revealed that Wakefield had other conflicts of interest, misrepresented research and data, and was tied to other breaches of the ethical code.

Wakefield was stripped from the Medical Register by the General Medical Council for gross professional misconduct; removing his ability to practice medicine.

The initial story of the link spread far and wide, quickly by a media looking to drive ratings. In the UK, MMR vaccinations dropped like a rock, autism rates didn’t change, but measles and mumps started to make a pretty significant comeback. Who knows how many families have suffered for this fucker’s greed. And we are still seeing the impact of it today.

So this ties into a couple of points I regularly harp about.

1. The fucking media man. They only care about marketing and selling ad space nowadays. Case in point; who gives two shits about Kristin Cavallari’s point of view on autism? But since she’s a celebrity we’ll give her air time EXACTLY THE SAME WAY we did with Jenny McCarthy about an unsubstantiated, completely discredited report written by a disgraced doctor. But fear keeps us tuning in.

2. Do you trust your Doctor? I don’t. I think my doctor is great but I don’t put blind faith in him. For all I know, he could be doing something similar to Wakefield. How many people do you know at your job (or past jobs) that were actually good at what they did? Even the people that have had in-depth training have opinions on how things should be done. I’ve met more than a couple who were going to do their job how they wanted and the hell with safety procedure.

And there are a lot of similar beliefs out there. “Big Pharma is the enemy!” Why? Because medicine is an inexact science and always has been? Everyone decries the progress on points like trying to find a cure for HIV and cancer while glossing over the fact that people regularly live to a 100 now because of medical science. But no, trot out any doctor like Wakefield to tell us all about what “Big Pharma doesn’t want you to know!” and shill their crap.

I’m not suggesting that you need to develop a doctorate of your own. I am suggesting that ignorance is often the difference between life and death. You need to truly understand what is going on with you. You need to stop placing blind faith in anyone. Ask questions, delve deeper, strive to understand why the shit is going down as it is so you can make better decisions for yourself and your loved ones.

Wakefield is an asshole whose bullshit potentially killed children. And here we sit with a reignited debate made by an off-hand comment from a celebrity over some shit that should have never been published in the first place. Good fucking game.

And there are plenty others like him out there.

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Thoughts On Mental Illness And Socialization

I feel privileged to have the opportunity to interact with a colorful host of personalities through the way I live my life. The launch of my Bipolar Manifesto served as a great platform to socialize and interact with people of like-mind, going through the same struggles, or looking for the same solutions. I have to say- it has been a difficult adjustment to what I’m used to.

As a High-Functioning Autistic, I am not a social person by nature. Human interactions are governed by so many gray areas. There’s always doubts, considerations, and a myriad of other external factors. My mind does not function in gray areas. There is only black and white. On the positive side, I know that it is easier for me to make difficult decisions. It’s either going to be right or wrong, and I won’t know that until I gather as much information as possible then make that decision.

On the negative side, it’s significantly disrupted my ability to generally socialize and forge even casual friendships. If I ask someone how they are doing, it’s because I genuinely want to know. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t ask. Black and white. Even at past employers I typically got along with my coworkers the same way. I generally clicked with one or two people and then talked to no one else in an even remotely casual sense. To put it in perspective, I worked next to a woman full-time at Wal-Mart for a good two years before she found out I had a son. When asked why I never said anything about him, my only answer was ‘nobody asked’.

As I was contemplating how I wanted to approach what I had to say with my website and work, it quickly became apparent that was a skill-set I was going to have to work on. Who would have guessed that helping people would require interacting with them?! News to me. Someone should have warned me!

Frankly, I feel it is the root cause of one of my primary shortcomings. I have all the patience in the world for someone genuinely struggling, who is trying and experiencing set-backs, or that is trying to understand what is going on in their mind. On the other hand, I have absolutely no patience for people that sort of shuffle around the issue and refuse to acknowledge there might be a problem.

The very first therapist, and the man who diagnosed me, had been working with Bipolars for about 20 years. In one session he mentioned how much he disliked sessions that did not go anywhere. Apparently, one of his other patients had been coming to see him for six months and refused to acknowledge any issue or work he had to do to get his mind under control. It was at that point that I realized I could never be a traditional therapist.

I would have kicked him out after about a month and told him, “You know what- come back when you’re ready to get well. Rock bottom was good enough for me, it’s good enough for you too.”

My diagnosis was the best day of my life. It meant that I wasn’t just a worthless failure of a human being who couldn’t keep anything together for an extended period of time. I had an illness that needed addressed. If I did that, then maybe I could actually enjoy my life for a change. Diagnosis gave me many things; including hope and a purpose.

I’m still not perfectly well. I still make Bipolar decisions sometimes. One thing I strive never to do is waste another person’s time. I will never have the same style of social skills or tolerances that are generally expected. And I’m alright with that. That black and white thought process is what enabled me to literally throw the doors open on every dark thing I’ve done because of my mind.

I’ve been told it’s brave, courageous, and inspirational. I can see why some people would think so. But I don’t view it that way. I view it as a way to make the pain and suffering worthwhile. Because honestly; what’s the worst that can happen? I lose a 25^th or so job? I end up abusing myself in bad ways? I might be socially and emotionally isolated? People might think I’m strange or weird?! Oh noes! Whatever shall I do?! That’s only been my life for the last 32 years or so!

Be happy with yourself, dear reader. Even if you can’t find peace or anything positive; there is no better way to gain wisdom and understanding than through suffering. That could very well be quite valuable to you later on.

Or, as an image macro on Facebook so eloquently put it- “Let your past make you better, not bitter.”

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