Tag: mood disorder

Categories
Coping Depression Self-Help

An Open Letter On Depression #Depression #MentalIllness #Bipolar

I am penning this missive as an easy way to help try and get someone close to you to understand what you are going through. Print it out, forward it to them; whatever. Get it in front of that person. Let me try and crack through the wall to help them see the difference.

To Whom It May Concern;

I am writing this letter on behalf of someone that you care about and that cares about you. Depression is a very misunderstood mental illness that affects quite a few people. Too many people equate “sadness” with depression, but they are nowhere near the same. Sadness is a normal human emotion, one that many of the depressed wish we could actually feel. Depression is a void. It is nothingness. It is a black hole that devours everything that makes life worth living.

I’m sure you have felt sad in your life. It is very normal. But how about depressed? People make the mistake of thinking it is all about emotion. It is not. Depression is rooted in a physical condition affecting the brain. Do you remember the last time you had a bad cold or flu? How did you feel mentally during that time? I’m willing to bet you weren’t upbeat and chipper. People commonly feel mentally exhausted, tired, and generally foul. It is the closest thing I have been able to come up with that compares to depression for someone that does not experience it. Depression however, is worse.

Why? Our breaks are few and far between. A person may have a flu or a cold for a week but they know it is going to end. What if you did not know it was going to end? What if it carried on for months or years at a time? How about if you ended up like me, dealing with major depression for going on 20 years? That mental state you have while you are sick is part of a physical ailment. It is a virus that is having a drastic effect on your mentality. So why is it so difficult for people to understand that the same thing can happen to a person without having the sniffles – only worse?

I have seven suicide attempts under my belt that range from putting a loaded gun to my head and pulling the trigger to taking fistfuls of pills with alcohol. I’ve attempted to unmake myself with drugs and alcohol. All of these things and more are the direct result of dealing with depression. I had no hope for a better tomorrow. I knew that the day I would face tomorrow would be exactly the same as the day I’ve had every day for the last several years.

How did you feel when your child was born? I felt nothing. When you got engaged to a wonderful person? Again, nothing. Any sense of pride in a commendation or promotion at work? Still nothing. No sense of accomplishment, no pride; just the void. Depression devours EVERYTHING and leaves only emptiness behind. Then, one day, the person will eventually get tired of it. They will have a moment of weakness and attempt to end their life because they just cannot deal with it anymore. Humans are not meant to exist in an emotional void, but we do it for years at a time. And we are so tired from this journey.

That’s why we need people like you to understand that this is an illness. It’s not just a feeling. It’s invasive and we need your help in continuing to look forward. We know we should have hope, because there is wellness somewhere out there for us. But we periodically need someone to remind us of that. We need them to just be there in our darkest moments. You do not need to have answers or try to fix us. It is beyond what you can contribute. And yes, we know it will hurt watching someone you care about suffer. But really, it’s alright. We have walked this road for a long time. We can continue to do so once we get through this moment of weakness to get back to the pursuit of mental wellness.

My name is Dennis, and this is just part of my story. Someone you love and care about is going through similar circumstances. They need you to understand that this is a serious medical issue. Or would you prefer to find out at their funeral while wringing your hands over why they committed suicide? I hope not. I really cannot afford the airfare to come and point out “I told you so”.

There are a number of great resources available on the internet for helping someone with a mood disorder like depression. Educate yourself. It could very well save the life of someone you love.

Sincerely,
Dennis H.

button-facebook-join-me

Subscribe to have blog posts and news delivered straight to your Inbox!


Categories
General

Personal Empowerment Creates A Better Future For All

I do not have a very typical approach to how I view the world, mental illness, and making my way through it. A significant departure is the quest for reducing stigma and encouraging a better social understanding. I don’t think it really matters nearly as much as is stated. There are so many people struggling for equality and understanding for several different reasons. Yet, when I look back through history, I have yet to find a single time period when that was actually a reality. I don’t think it is a reasonable, feasible goal. That is why a lot of my content, words, and ideas are focused around the individual. Elevating individuals who live with mental illness seems like it will be a more effective tactic.

For the past couple of years, I have been working as an internet marketer. I write content for business’s that are trying to get found on the internet. I have used many of those skills that I developed and learned from those marketers to bring you this website and blog. In the course of my work, I came to work for a man in the United Kingdom who was involved in marketing “forex” websites. Forex is short for foreign exchange, as in the foreign exchange currency market. It is the worldwide market where businesses, banks, individuals, and governments all go to change money to purchase what they need from international markets.

There is an entire industry of traders that make profit off of the differential in prices of currency. For example, if you look at the EURUSD (Euro/United States Dollar) pair, each Euro may be worth 1.2 dollars. I buy one Euro at $1.20 and the value of the Euro rises to $1.34. I then close my position. I have just made .14 cents of profit.

As I came to learn more about forex I realized what a huge opportunity it was for the mentally ill, the poor, and senior citizens trying to live off of nothing. A particular discipline within forex is known as technical trading. In technical trading, you analyze charts to look for patterns to spot high probability opportunities for a profitable trade. The pair might be in a clear uptrend or downtrend. The predictability is what technical forex traders use to make money.

Looking at the above example, 14 cents is nothing to write home about really. That is where the forex market differs from traditional investing. Currency is the most liquid asset in the world. Because of that, forex brokers (the people you make trades through) offer a high degree of leverage. At present I trade at a 50:1 leverage. For every 1 of my dollars, I am allowed to use up to 50 of theirs to trade with. So I can take 200 dollars and trade up to 10,000 dollars with it; with all the risks and rewards that come with that higher amount.

The forex market is open 5 days a week, 24 hours a day; which makes it perfect for people like me who can’t function well in a 9 to 5 traditional role. A trading plan with clear directions, how to profit and minimize losses, and the system a person uses for analysis provides a concrete reminder of the method we adhere to for profitability.

A large number of people do not look at investing or gambling in a way that is profitable. If you are playing blackjack and your goal is to get 21; you’re not going to ask for another card if you are sitting on 20. Why? The chances of you pulling an Ace from the deck are much, much lower than the dealer getting anything other than a 20 or a 21 to beat you. Will you always win? No. However, the cards totaling 20 have a much higher probability of being a winning hand for you than say a total of 7. If you get a 3 and a 4, you’re going to have to get at least two other appropriately numbered cards to be competitive. So you play on the 20 and withdraw on the 7 – maximizing potential gain while minimizing losses.

All of that comes back to my original point. You don’t need a college degree, to be good at math, or have a lot of money to make a reasonable profit on the forex market. A person simply needs to develop the understanding of what they are looking at and why they are doing what they are doing. I have spent the last several months teaching myself how with a minor amount of success.

My end-game goal is to take that which I have learned and turn it into a very easy to understand system that anyone can use. Through it, I want to enable individual elevation so that those people can create a better place for themselves and others in the world.

Why? Regardless of whether an adversary understands mental illness or not; that person will understand money. Money is power. If we are a bunch of paupers, how are we supposed to make any meaningful gains against political entities and insurance companies?

Striving for social understanding is all well and good, but what good is it if the policy makers can still just give us a pat on the head and send us on our way with empty promises? You know, exactly the same thing they do with women, minorities, the poor, disabled veterans, and everyone else whose rights are trampled on a constant basis.

button-facebook-join-me

Subscribe to have blog posts and news delivered straight to your Inbox!


Categories
General

Multiple Mental Illnesses With A Mood Disorder

I’d like to thank my Facebook followers for the suggestions for blog posts on content they would like to see. Doug provided a great idea to discuss multiple diagnoses in the form of Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. I did some research on the subject, including the article he provided, and I have decided it would be a disservice for me to attempt to speak about that experience. A very large part of what I do here, on Facebook, and on my website is based through experience. However, Doug’s suggestion did jog an idea in my mind that I haven’t put forward yet in regards to multiple diagnoses. It is at this point that I would like to remind you that this is only a theory, but one I’ve formulated through observation over the past 17 years or so.

Multiple mental illness in a person is not uncommon. Some mental illnesses have components of others in them; such as people with PTSD with a Depression component. That creates an even more unique situation when they get combined in a single person. Bipolar Disorder affects each person with it in ways that are personal to them and their mentality. Medical professionals attempt to treat based off of loose interpretations of the symptoms. A depressed person may not be suicidal while another is. They both meet the criteria for depression, just differently.

The combination of multiple mental illnesses in a person will create something that is almost entirely unique to them. Thus, it will be harder to find a treatment that will work properly for the person due to that interaction.

That brings me to my theory: I wonder if people with multiple diagnoses may benefit from focusing on getting any mood disorder under control first. Not because it is any more important than the others, but the way a mood disorder like Bipolar Disorder or depression affects your baseline thinking. It alters your perception of the world around you, in turn, your mind reacts to what it perceives as opposed to what actually is.

As an example; I did not find out about high-functioning autism until my son was diagnosed with it. Going back and reading about it to understand it was like reading a biography. I feel that I am a very high functional autistic because I lack many of the interpersonal functions that are typical for a normal mind. There is also the autistic focuses, the inability to convert emotion to words, logical to a fault, inability to read people naturally, and several other things. It takes a lot of energy for me to function in a social way because I have to think about all the things that other people do subconsciously. As I looked back on my life, I began to see certain patterns and interactions in the ways that Bipolar Disorder and the HFA meshed for me.

The one great fear I have in my life is completely losing touch with reality in a Bipolar unwell period. If my mind ventures too far out- there is only hate, rage, loathing, and despair. There is no love, there is no kindness, no understanding, no vestiges of positivity at all. At that point I become Mr. Hyde to my normal Dr. Jeckyll. Due to the HFA, I have a hard time connecting and empathizing with people in a natural way. I feel that if I really rocketed out of control, the combination of all that negativity with my inability to empathize with others would probably result in a newscast ending with “… and police killed the suspect in the ensuing shootout.”

Let’s cut back to the mood disorder for just a moment. It affects how you interpret things:

– I drop a glass of water and break it.
*Manic: Fuck that goddamn glass! No dustpan? I’ll just clean it up with my hands.
*Depressed: I can’t believe I dropped a glass of water. Can’t even do that right.

The reality of the situation is – a glass of water was dropped. That’s it. A mood disorder skews the situation into extremes. It stains all of the information that comes into your mind before your mind has a chance to really interpret it. The tainted information is already being fed into a mentally ill mind that will skew it even further out of perspective. Sort of like putting a second bullhorn in front of a first bullhorn.

Assume that our example person is Bipolar and Schizophrenic. They are driving along and notice in their rear view mirror that the same car has been behind them for three different turns. The information is processed and skewed as potentially threatening by Bipolar Disorder then sent into the conscious mind where Schizophrenic thought processes could continue to stretch it and spin it out of control.

But what if that person had a good medication regiment for the Bipolar side of their struggle? A mood stabilizer would prevent the Bipolar side of their mind from pulling the situation too far out of proportion before it gets fed into the active mind where Schizophrenia will now contribute to playing with it.

I think this thought process may be applicable for a lot of people. If a person’s perception is at least somewhat healthy, then the circumstances going on around them won’t enter their active mind in an already spun state. The schizophrenia will still have an impact; but which would be better for it to spin? “There’s a car behind me that’s been there for a while. That’s odd. I don’t like that.” or “That son of a bitch is fucking following me. I know it.”

I’m inclined to think the second one is more likely to escalate out of control.

Thus, it seems to me that getting the gateway, perception altering Disorder under control will make all the other things in the person’s mind more manageable. That is not to suggest that everything else should be ignored. It just may be a more effective starting point for the person with two, four, or more mental illnesses with a mood disorder.

I’m curious to hear other peoples’ thoughts on this idea. Feel free to comment!

button-facebook-join-me

Subscribe to have blog posts and news delivered straight to your Inbox!


Categories
Self-Help

Mental Illness or Personality Quirk?

It is difficult to get every person in your life on the same page with what mental illness actually is. Most of the occasions where I have been discussing the subject with someone who didn’t understand mental illness, they did not even know how to define it. Being able to define the difference between mental illness and a personality quirk can help open the door to understanding.

All mental illnesses are bound by a truth that is applicable across the board: a mental illness is a persistent condition that negatively impacts a person’s ability to maintain their life.

That may sound like oversimplification and to an extent it is. It’s meant to be simple so normals can wrap their minds about what it means. It is one thing to have some off days and be down in the dumps. It’s quite another to be morbidly depressed for three years, avoiding interpersonal contact, losing a job, not bathing or taking care of oneself, and eating sporadically.

I always stress that there is no simple answer or cookie cutter behavior when it comes to a mental illness. It always varies from person to person – that’s why the DSM criteria is fairly vague and is meant to be used in conjunction with a trained person examining the individual’s life. It isn’t enough to just look at the DSM and go “oh I have this because I have these symptoms”.

People on both sides of the fence seem to think that is how it works. It causes a lot of problems for the unwell trying to enable the people close to them to understand what makes the difference.

The following example is one I like to use to help convey the difference.

For the period of about three years, I managed to hold a job with Wal-Mart. There was a stint for about a year that I was a cashier. I was drastically unwell for reasons that I no longer remember, but I decided to try to work anyway. The very first customers I had were two bubbly, happy women. The one woman decided to get me to “cheer up and provide good service” by insisting I smile and look at the day in a brighter way!

I grit my teeth, tried to ignore it, answer their questions promptly and get the transaction over with. And then she started to mock what I was saying in a silly drawn out voice which sent me from morbidly depressed to the upper reaches of hypomania in about half a second.

My mind was just flooded with images of picking up the canned ham on the conveyor belt and beating her face in until it was featureless and toothless. Every word that came out of her mouth pushed me closer and closer. I ended up having to signal for a manager and walk out of the store to avoid assaulting her.

Now, let’s compare that to a “quirk”. A cashier could get upset or irritated with problem customers. That’s normal. They may argue or be brusque with them. You don’t typically see a 6’5”, 350 pound man contemplating jumping a cash register to beat in someone’s face with a canned ham because his brain told him it would do far more damage faster than a hand. It was even more out of character because I have never raised a hand in anger to a woman in my life.

At that point in time, all sanity departed and was displaced by the hypomanic shrieks in my mind to level her. It was a drastic indication of Bipolar Disorder making a very negative impact on my ability to conduct business and maintain employment. Definitely not a quirk. By showing the people you are trying to communicate with the difference between a “quirk” and what you deal with, you can help them see the severity of the situation in a clearer light.

button-facebook-join-me

Subscribe to have blog posts and news delivered straight to your Inbox!