Category: Self-Help

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Coping Depression Self-Help

An Open Letter On Depression #Depression #MentalIllness #Bipolar

I am penning this missive as an easy way to help try and get someone close to you to understand what you are going through. Print it out, forward it to them; whatever. Get it in front of that person. Let me try and crack through the wall to help them see the difference.

To Whom It May Concern;

I am writing this letter on behalf of someone that you care about and that cares about you. Depression is a very misunderstood mental illness that affects quite a few people. Too many people equate “sadness” with depression, but they are nowhere near the same. Sadness is a normal human emotion, one that many of the depressed wish we could actually feel. Depression is a void. It is nothingness. It is a black hole that devours everything that makes life worth living.

I’m sure you have felt sad in your life. It is very normal. But how about depressed? People make the mistake of thinking it is all about emotion. It is not. Depression is rooted in a physical condition affecting the brain. Do you remember the last time you had a bad cold or flu? How did you feel mentally during that time? I’m willing to bet you weren’t upbeat and chipper. People commonly feel mentally exhausted, tired, and generally foul. It is the closest thing I have been able to come up with that compares to depression for someone that does not experience it. Depression however, is worse.

Why? Our breaks are few and far between. A person may have a flu or a cold for a week but they know it is going to end. What if you did not know it was going to end? What if it carried on for months or years at a time? How about if you ended up like me, dealing with major depression for going on 20 years? That mental state you have while you are sick is part of a physical ailment. It is a virus that is having a drastic effect on your mentality. So why is it so difficult for people to understand that the same thing can happen to a person without having the sniffles – only worse?

I have seven suicide attempts under my belt that range from putting a loaded gun to my head and pulling the trigger to taking fistfuls of pills with alcohol. I’ve attempted to unmake myself with drugs and alcohol. All of these things and more are the direct result of dealing with depression. I had no hope for a better tomorrow. I knew that the day I would face tomorrow would be exactly the same as the day I’ve had every day for the last several years.

How did you feel when your child was born? I felt nothing. When you got engaged to a wonderful person? Again, nothing. Any sense of pride in a commendation or promotion at work? Still nothing. No sense of accomplishment, no pride; just the void. Depression devours EVERYTHING and leaves only emptiness behind. Then, one day, the person will eventually get tired of it. They will have a moment of weakness and attempt to end their life because they just cannot deal with it anymore. Humans are not meant to exist in an emotional void, but we do it for years at a time. And we are so tired from this journey.

That’s why we need people like you to understand that this is an illness. It’s not just a feeling. It’s invasive and we need your help in continuing to look forward. We know we should have hope, because there is wellness somewhere out there for us. But we periodically need someone to remind us of that. We need them to just be there in our darkest moments. You do not need to have answers or try to fix us. It is beyond what you can contribute. And yes, we know it will hurt watching someone you care about suffer. But really, it’s alright. We have walked this road for a long time. We can continue to do so once we get through this moment of weakness to get back to the pursuit of mental wellness.

My name is Dennis, and this is just part of my story. Someone you love and care about is going through similar circumstances. They need you to understand that this is a serious medical issue. Or would you prefer to find out at their funeral while wringing your hands over why they committed suicide? I hope not. I really cannot afford the airfare to come and point out “I told you so”.

There are a number of great resources available on the internet for helping someone with a mood disorder like depression. Educate yourself. It could very well save the life of someone you love.

Sincerely,
Dennis H.

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Coping kimmymc80 Self-Help

Can Music Alter Your Mood? #MentalHealth #Mindfulness #Mind #Leisure #Music

In my opinion music has got to be one of the greatest tings on the planet. I have found that by listening to various kinds of music, it can alter your mood greatly. There are so many different types of music out there, so which type does what? In a moment I will tackle this question.

After doing a bit of research I have found that music, if chosen correctly, can dramatically increase your pleasure states in your brain. Meaning, music can raise your serotonin, boost your norepinephrine, and dopamine. Also, studies have proven that music can dynamically show physiological indicators of emotional arousal. These physiological indicators include: changes in heart rate, respiration, electrodermal activity, body temperature, and blood volume pulse. This means that we can use individual pieces of great music to change our brain chemistries and physiological states in a matter of minutes, if not seconds. So, basically, music is a great medicine for both the mind and the soul.

Music can be used for numerous reasons. In it’s most simple form music is used to entertain. It is played at parties, weddings, sporting events, at home, or while driving. My favorite thing to do is to make a playlist on my IPod and hit shuffle, it can sure make a boring drive go by a lot quicker. I am that person you see singing at the top of her lungs while driving from here to there. I tend to get many a “double take” from complete strangers while sitting in traffic.

So many of us use music to help pass the time or make a monotonous task fly by. I know that I use music to help make cleaning the house a lot less tedious and exhausting. It would be quite boring without music to help entertain and allow the time to at least appear to pass quickly.

The second reason why people use music is for revival. Music can set the tone for your day or night. In order to get your day going, listen to something upbeat when you first wake up. It can put you in a better mood by listening to fun, happy music. Because music affects your mood, if you were to listen to slow songs in the mornings you might find it harder to wake up and get motivated to start the day. At night, when you are winding down or have had a stressful day at work or school, listen to music that will calm you. Slower beats, acoustic, or classical music can have a calming effect on the mind.

Another way people use music to their advantage is to receive a strong sensation. It can produce deep, thrilling experiences, particularly while performing or exercising.  Researchers found a positive correlation between faced paced music and exercise. It’s not too surprising that music works to increase exercising strength by distracting attention and pushing the heart and muscles to work at a faster pace. Not much is known about how or why it works, but it is thought to ease exercise. The best music to listen to is between 120-140 beats per minute, which also happens to be the standard tempo for upbeat dance music.

The next way music can be used to our advantage is by creating a diversion. Music distracts the mind from unpleasant thoughts which can easily fill the silence and decrease our anxiety.  This can help us from choking under pressure. In a study of basketball player’s who were prone to failing at the free throw line, research found they could improve the player’s percentage if they were to first listen to a catchy tune and hum it in their heads.  Listening to the Monty Python song, “Always look on the bright side of life,” caused the players to lose focus and execute their free throws with minimal involvement form the prefrontal cortex. If you are prone to getting anxious, worried, or choking under pressure, throwing on a humorous, light-hearted song before you perform might help distract your brain enough to keep you from failing. Distraction is considered one of the most effective strategies for regulating mood.

Using music to allow your body to discharge is another way to utilize it to your advantage. Music matching deep moods can release emotions having a purging and cleansing effect therefore boosting your immune system. Soothing music is known to decrease stress, and when it does that, it decreases the level of the stress hormone cortisol. It’s not just soothing music though, even upbeat dance music is known to increase the level of antibodies in your system.

The sixth reason why people listen to music is to help them with mental work. Music encourages daydreaming, sliding into old memories, and exploring the past.  You may remember some reports back in the 1990’s that said studying while listening to Mozart increases the likelihood of performing well on a test, but that has been disproven in some studies, and in turn studies have shown some music has a negative affect on fact retention if you’re studying numbers or lists. Still, performing music has been proven to increase memory and language skills, but for listeners, it’s better used as a means to recall memories. It has been shown in Alzheimer’s patients to help with memory recall, and even helps restore cognitive function. When you listen to music you know, it stimulates the hippocampus, which handles long-term storage in the brain. Doing this can help bring out relevant memories you made while listening to a particular song. If you’re having trouble remembering something, you may have better luck if you play the same music you were listening to when you first made the thought.

Lastly, music has been shown to help fight fatigue, especially if you change up the music often. Studies have shown that almost all music increases your mood, because it causes a release of dopamine. So if you are feeling tired, bored, or depressed, a good pop song might just be the cure you need.

The following are various types of music and the effect they may have on your emotional state:

Folk music- virtually all folk music is serotonin boosting.

Jazz and Rhythm and Blues- Rhythm and blues can be pretty depressing, especially if you are already depressed. Don’t get me wrong- this genre offers a lot of great music, but most of the lyrics focus on life’s travails. Many people find this music highly cathartic and emotionally healing, but others can be brought even lower by the deep suffering that the music often expresses. Therefore, I recommend exercising caution in this category, at least until you feel ready to deal with your own deep emotional pain. Jazz on the other hand, can be incredibly uplifting and joyful. It can be melodic and soothing (thus a serotonin booster) or exciting and arousing (a norepinephrine booster). Choose the pieces you especially enjoy for their desired effects.

Rock and Roll: Most rock and roll is norepinephrine and dopamine boosting. However, rock is often hard to classify. Even hard rock bands produce serotonin-boosting songs from time to time, such as Guns and Roses’ “November Rain.” Also, many of the Beatles songs are serotonin boosters. Most modern rock and roll is arousing and consequently will boost norepinephrine and dopamine. There are endless choices to suit your tastes. Bruce Springstein’s album “Born to Run” is a classic norepinephrine and dopamine booster

Musical Theatre: The music of musical theatre is generally upbeat and inspiring. Many of the stories have a happy ending and this boosts serotonin, too. Of course, there are exceptions, such as Leonard Bernstein’s “West Side Story” and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Miss Saigon” – musicals that offer perhaps more catharsis than uplift. The following list includes the names of some classic serotonin-boosting musicals.

  • Cole Porter: “Anything Goes” and others
  • Oscar Hammerstein and Richard Rogers: “ Oklahoma ”, “The Sound of Music”, “Carousel”, “South Pacific”, and many others
  • Frank Loesser: “Guys and Dolls” and others
  • Andrew Lloyd Webber: “Cats”, “Phantom of the Opera”, and others
  • Stephen Sondheim: “A Little Night Music” and many other
  • Marvin Hamlish: “A chorus Line”
  • Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe: “My Fair Lady”

Classical Composers: Most classical music will boost norepinephrine and dopamine, the following are examples of these.

  • Beethoven: most of the music from the Fifth and Ninth Symphonies is arousing and will boost dopamine and norepinephrine
  • Kabalevsky: “Gallop” from Opus 39, no. 18
  • Mozart: Overture from “The Marriage of Figaro”; Menuetto from “A Little Night Music”; Serenade no. 13
  • Tchaikovsky: most of “The Nutcracker” is arousing, as is much of Tchaikovsky’s music

I composed a music playlist of various serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine boosting songs on YouTube so you can just press play and you will have hours of great mood elevating music.

I have also done a post on my site about if music can get you high. Feel free to check it out.

If you have some favorite music that puts you in a great mood please comment below and let us know what songs you find especially uplifting.

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Coping Depression kimmymc80 Self-Help

A Pill-less Cure For Anxiety and Panic #MentalHealth #PanicAttacks #Anxiety #Faith #GodCanDoAnything

In my last post I briefly spoke about my spiritual awakening that occurred during one of my stays in a psychiatric hospital. I would like to discuss this a step further and give you some tips on how to alleviate panic for good.

First I would like to share my experience in full with you.

After I was in full remission from my eating disorder and self mutilation I began to suffer from debilitating panic attacks among other things. During these bouts of panic and mania I was drugged beyond imagination since I suffered from seizures because of the attacks that were happening over 30 times a day. The doctors just kept pouring liquid xanax into my system every time I would awaken with another bout that would make me nearly seize out of my hospital bed.

During one of my hospital stays I finally gained a moment of clarity and screamed out “NO MORE DRUGS”! I realized that all they were doing was placing a blanket over my deep rooted problems and not fixing anything. I continued to panic and seize for days and had to be institutionalized.

While in the psychiatric hospital I continued to have panic attacks that made me see actual spiritual warfare in front of my very eyes. I could see angels and demons fighting over my soul. I thought I was going crazy because there were no windows in my room and I continuously saw darkness and light fighting each other.

In one of my deepest bouts of panic I remembered that if you were to say in the name of Jesus I command you to flee then all evil will flee because they are scared “poopless” of the mention of His name.

I screamed at the top of my lungs “Father, I give EVERYTHING to you (my mental health, my finances, my medication, my doctors, and everything else I could think of that I was trying to control) and in the name of JESUS I command all evil to leave”.

It was like lightning struck down from heaven and at that moment the darkness fled from my room and my room was lit up with an amazing, spectacular light that was so warm and inviting. I saw hundreds of angels filling my room to the brim and felt a peace like never before come over me and calmed my seizing in an instant.

At the time I thought I was just seeing things and was most likely crazy,  but all I knew was that I was starting to level off. After a few days without panic I was finally dismissed from the hospital.

Once I got home the panic started again and every time all I had to do was mention the name of my precious savior Jesus and the it would flee. After a few months of going back and forth with this I knew that until I became deep rooted in his word and prayed over my house then nothing was ever going to change.

I immediately began to look up scripture that had anything to do with panic and anxiety. I learned that Elijah was the first man in recorded history to suffer from panic attacks (1 Kings 19) and it was by listening to God’s soft spoken voice and obeying that he was able to overcome.

You see God doesn’t always have a loud booming voice and not everyone will experience lightning coming from the Heavens or an earthquake. Sometimes God speaks to us in a soft whisper and it is up to us to discern what it is that he is saying to us.  By staying rooted in the Word of God and by casting all of my concerns on Him I have been blessed to not suffer from severe anxiety like I used to. Of course I get scared and anxious, we all do, but the moment I gave it all to God and call on Jesus, everything always works itself out.

I would like to take this opportunity to share with you the verses that I found to help me the most in my times of panic. Psalm 43:5 says that hope in God is a cure. Psalm 94:19 states “In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.”

Proverbs 12:25 “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.”  When we are anxious or tormented by inner thoughts of excessive fear and concern, we feel overwhelmed and depressed. Depression literally comes from pressing down all the anxiety and troublesome thoughts into our spirit. It is a serious problem in our world. But thankfully God provides ways out of our depression. One way is when someone speaks a “good word”. Bondages can be broken and fears can be driven away through the anointed words of God’s servants.

Philippians 4:6-7 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Christians do not have to live in a state of anxiety, worry, fear, and confusion. In fact being anxious is actually a sin. Please do not let these words scare you or think I am trying to make you feel bad. For all of us sin and fall short in some way or another. The secret to overcoming anxiety is to rejoice constantly in the Lord and to pray to God thanking Him for His provision, His goodness, and His mercy both past and future.

But you say, why should I thank the person that made me this way, to suffer from mental illness and disease? I say to you that it was not God that gave you illness or disease, but Satan who is alive and well and ruler of this disease ridden earth.

You say “Where was God when I was suffering?”  To that I answer this: Once you ask God to leave you alone, leave your government, your family, your schools, and your mind, He will do just that because he is a gentleman and will leave when you ask Him to. Once you cry out “Oh, God where are you?” He answers, “I am right here, I never left your side, you just asked me to shut up and leave you alone, so I did”.

When you know that your heavenly Father is taking care of your business you can allow the peace of God to fill your life. God’s peace is not dependent on outward circumstances. It is a supernatural peace that comes from knowing God is in control. What you must do is give over All control to God in order to fully receive this peace.

Philippians 4:19 “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”  People in the world are always uptight about their money and having their needs met. In fact, they spend all of their time and energy on pursuit of security. The believer in Jesus Christ is to live a life free from the fear of lack of finances or any other thing. God has promised in His Word that He will take care of all of our needs through his infinite resources.

1 Peter 5:6-7 “Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, 7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”  Care: merimna (mer-im-nah): Believers are given the secret to winning over anxiety and tension by casting all of their care onto Christ. The word merimna comes from meiro, “to divide,” and noos, “the mind.” The world denotes distractions, anxieties, burdens, and worries. Merimna means to be anxious beforehand about daily life. Such worry is unnecessary, because the Father’s love provides for both our daily needs and our special needs.

Believers are not to live “stressed out,” “burnt out” lives. Part of being spiritual is learning how to cast our care upon God and let Him carry the load, because He is strong enough to take it! People were not designed to live under anxiety,  tension, and stress. The secret is to be able to release those things to he Lord and to trust Him totally to take care of us.

Do not let the great deceiver, Satan, tell you that you are not good enough to be saved or that you are not smart enough to comprehend this because that is just the type of lies that he thrives off of. If we humble ourselves before God, which means if we five our tension, tears, fears, concerns, anxiety and stress to Him, He can do something about it. As long as we are holding onto our burdens, God will not move in to change things.

Some more verses to turn to: Matthew 6:31-34 basically says that God promised that those who seek Him and put His kingdom first will have their needs met. Therefore, do not worry. There is absolutely nothing God can’t and won’t heal, Jeremiah 32:27. God can work a miracle for you, Jeremiah 33:3.

I hope that this helps all of you reading this. If you have any questions feel free to ask. If you have any comments, I want to hear them.

Much love and abundant blessings,

Kimmy

http://withoutalabel.me/

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Coping Depression kimmymc80 Self-Help

Bipolar, OCD, ADHD, PTSD, and Panic Disorder, Oh My! #MentalHealth #Bipolar #Depression #PTSD #ADHD #OCD

So yeah, that’s me. My name is Kimberly McPherson and I am a type 1 rapid cycling Bipolar with OCD, PTSD, ADHD, and panic disorder. Yes, it may seem like I have been tagged with pretty much every label known to man but honestly it could be worse.

I was diagnosed at the age of 19 but like many others, I knew for a long time that something wasn’t quite right with me. At fist I tried to shove my diagnoses to the back of my mind and continue on with my life but as time passed I knew it was something I needed to take seriously.

Once I honestly harnessed my disorders I knew I couldn’t do it alone so I set out on a mission to find help. The first thing I needed to accomplish was finding a psychiatrist that fully understood what I was dealing with and wouldn’t just see me as a number. I was graced with an exceptional doctor that saw me as a person and not just a label. It took many tries but I finally found the perfect fit for me.

With the help of my doctor I came to the conclusion that I needed to be medicated in order for me to be a functioning member of society. I hated the thought that I needed to take medicine in order to fully survive but I knew that continuing to hurt myself wasn’t the answer.

You see, at the time of my diagnosis, I was a full fledged suicidal anorexic, bulimic, and self mutilator. I was told by many doctors that I probably wouldn’t live to see my 20th birthday. Boy, how I have proved them wrong. I reluctantly accepted help for my eating disorders and self mutilation and now I look back and thank God that I did.

Once I was medicated properly life started to make sense. The things I used to think and say were terrible. I would lash out at anyone and everyone. I truly didn’t mean any harm, I just didn’t understand why I hated myself so much. I now see the error of my ways. I was mistreated and misunderstood for the most part of my life. It took years of therapy for me to see that I didn’t have to look at myself the way I thought others did. I thought everyone hated me but in all honesty they just didn’t understand and wanted to help. The things people would say were things like “you’re too skinny” or “boy you’re touchy” and to me they sounded like “I hate you”. Now, I understand that it was my illnesses that made me think that way.

So, how do I deal with them now? Well, that’s a great question. The number one thing I must continue to do is take my medication as prescribed and at the same time every day. It seems like an incredible task just keeping up with all of it but once you get the hang of it the schedule gets easier and easier with passing time.

The second thing I must do is take care of myself. This includes taking vitamins (I take a multi vitamin for stress, vitamin D3, a B complex vitamin, a formulation of great minerals and vitamins called lights on from a company called Dynamaxx (this formulation has helped me to be able to get off most of my ADHD meds), and most importantly an awesome omega 3 vitamin). The omega 3’s I take are from the makers of Nordic Naturals called Ultimate Omega’s. I take 4 of these suckers a day. I found out about them through a Harvard study done on depression and honestly the mix of the Omegas with my medication has changed my outlook on things drastically. I can tell a huge difference between when I take them and when I don’t. If you or anyone you know has a mental illness I highly recommend adding these amazing vitamins to your health regimen.

On the same note of taking care of myself I also try to soak in at least 30 minutes of sunshine daily, get some exercise at least 3 times a week (walking, yoga, or riding my bike), and I try to do a meditation exercise daily. I  found a great chakra realignment meditation video that takes about 10 minutes and it thoroughly changes my outlook every time I do it. I can feel the balancing act happen throughout the video.  I also try and eat properly and if I can’t do that I drink Ensure to get in the proper nutrients that my body needs.

The third thing I try to do is stay connected to my creator. I am a firm believer in the power of God (I believe in the Holy Trinity, The Father, The Son (Jesus), and The Holy Spirit (that resides in you when you accept God into your life).  It is such a simple thing to do yet it is life altering. John 3:16 states:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” What this verse means is that if you believe that Jesus Christ was real and died on the cross for your sins, then you are saved and get a free ticket to heaven. Oh, and how glorious that day will be when I get to go to heaven. From what I understand there will be no pain, no torment, no disease, no mental illness, just peace and joy when you enter the gates of heaven. This gives me hope that all the suffering that I have been through will not be in vain and one day all of my suffering will vanish in the blink of an eye.

I’m not here to try to win anyone over I am simply stating what has helped me. I did not always believe in the power of God, it was something that I had to witness for myself. At first I mainly believed in Buddhist principles and thought that if I was to create good karma then that karma would come back around to  me.  I still believe in this however, now I am a believer in Jesus Christ. The only way I came to know this power was when I was once hospitalized for my panic disorder because I couldn’t stop having panic attacks, I was having about 30 a day.

During one of my bouts of panic I remembered what a friend once told me about saying “In the name of Jesus I command all evil to leave.” I cried out to God and screamed “in the name of Jesus I command all evil to leave”. It was in that moment that the panic vanished and great, comforting, white light filled my hospital room and filled me with peace. I was frightened at first but the beautiful white loving light made me feel a peace that I never felt before. It was strange because there were no windows in that hospital room for light to enter so I know for a fact that it was the grace of God that banished the demons from my sight and saved me from my panic.

Ever since the moment that God banished these demons I have been a believer. I am not saying that I do not struggle, I’m not saying that at all. I still struggle every day to keep sane and at peace but with the help of God I have been able to tackle the most evil thoughts you could ever imagine. Through prayer, meditation, and constant research in the Holy Scripture I have been able to move mountains. This instance was the first of many to come but it was the one that won me over.

So there you have it, the short story of me, my struggles and how I have been able to deal with them. I hope that this story helps you in some way and I encourage you to ask as many questions as possible. I will do my best to answer them and if I can’t answer them I will find someone who can. So, go ahead comment as much as you like and I will be here to assist in any way possible.

Much love and abundant blessings to you all,

Kimmy

http://www.withoutalabel.me

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Self-Help

Managing Bipolar Disorder Through The Major Stresses Of Life

There are a few very common stressors in a majority of lives. Marriage, changing careers, and moving all rank near the top. These stresses can be enough to rocket a Bipolar mind into unwellness in fairly short order. I do not feel it is a reasonable goal to completely eliminate any and all chance of swinging unwell when dealing with a lot of stress. It’s just not possible. The Bipolar would have to be on top of their mood management 100% of the time plus interpret every indicator correctly. That’s just not going to happen.

What we can do is develop an understanding of how stresses correlate with Bipolar Disorder unwellness. I’ll use moving as an example. “Moving is stressful.” Okay, but why?

I’ve got all this stuff I have to get packed. I only have until this date to do it. I have to get my utilities switched over. I have to ensure I can do something with my perishables if direct transport isn’t an option. Is my former residence in good enough shape to get my deposit back? I might have lost my job or been foreclosed on thus driving the stress factor through the roof.

All those things piled up can push someone manic or it can be so much it crashes them into a nonfunctional depression. It’s easier to understand from a depressive standpoint that a person could look at all of those things and just start to shut down. A Bipolar’s manic side can actually start moving when they are put in a position that forces aggressive, high-stress thought processes. For example, there have been several times that the “Fight or Flight” response has pushed me into a hypomania. When that response kicks in, your body is kicked into a hyper alert state to ensure survival. There are a number of physiological changes that occur in Fight or Flight that also occurs in mania.

In all cases, I believe that the best way to approach staying well through these stresses is to break things down into manageable portions. Sit down with some index cards and write a task that needs to get done on individual cards. Draw a card, keep it with you, and set out to finish that task. Keeping the card with you is going to provide an easily accessible physical focus. While you work on that detail, you want to avoid letting your mind wander about all of the other things you need to do. If you find yourself drifting- stop, read the card again, and recenter your mind on that task. Push all the other thoughts trying to interfere away.

I realize this is probably advice you have heard before. For a Bipolar, it really is a great approach. Unwell periods get moving like a train. They are slow to start but once they build steam they are much harder to stop. Thus, we have a tangible reminder of what we need to get done in our pocket for when our mind starts drifting off. We limit how much time we spend dwelling on this massive task that just seems so insurmountable. Instead we chip away at its base, piece by manageable piece; until it is no longer perceived to be an insurmountable task.

If at all possible, leave yourself enough time to actually do everything without needing to cram it into a single weekend of moving. That may not be feasible for most but I have seen on a number of occasions where a person knew they were moving in a year and waited until a month before they were due to leave to start organizing their packing.

Exerting a greater control over the circumstances that can drive your unwell periods will help you keep them in check. By minimizing those, we can minimize the impact those stresses will have on our mind.

This type of mental management is very effective in minimizing unwell swings. It is difficult to do, but the more you practice the easier it will be.

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Self-Help

Mental Illness or Personality Quirk?

It is difficult to get every person in your life on the same page with what mental illness actually is. Most of the occasions where I have been discussing the subject with someone who didn’t understand mental illness, they did not even know how to define it. Being able to define the difference between mental illness and a personality quirk can help open the door to understanding.

All mental illnesses are bound by a truth that is applicable across the board: a mental illness is a persistent condition that negatively impacts a person’s ability to maintain their life.

That may sound like oversimplification and to an extent it is. It’s meant to be simple so normals can wrap their minds about what it means. It is one thing to have some off days and be down in the dumps. It’s quite another to be morbidly depressed for three years, avoiding interpersonal contact, losing a job, not bathing or taking care of oneself, and eating sporadically.

I always stress that there is no simple answer or cookie cutter behavior when it comes to a mental illness. It always varies from person to person – that’s why the DSM criteria is fairly vague and is meant to be used in conjunction with a trained person examining the individual’s life. It isn’t enough to just look at the DSM and go “oh I have this because I have these symptoms”.

People on both sides of the fence seem to think that is how it works. It causes a lot of problems for the unwell trying to enable the people close to them to understand what makes the difference.

The following example is one I like to use to help convey the difference.

For the period of about three years, I managed to hold a job with Wal-Mart. There was a stint for about a year that I was a cashier. I was drastically unwell for reasons that I no longer remember, but I decided to try to work anyway. The very first customers I had were two bubbly, happy women. The one woman decided to get me to “cheer up and provide good service” by insisting I smile and look at the day in a brighter way!

I grit my teeth, tried to ignore it, answer their questions promptly and get the transaction over with. And then she started to mock what I was saying in a silly drawn out voice which sent me from morbidly depressed to the upper reaches of hypomania in about half a second.

My mind was just flooded with images of picking up the canned ham on the conveyor belt and beating her face in until it was featureless and toothless. Every word that came out of her mouth pushed me closer and closer. I ended up having to signal for a manager and walk out of the store to avoid assaulting her.

Now, let’s compare that to a “quirk”. A cashier could get upset or irritated with problem customers. That’s normal. They may argue or be brusque with them. You don’t typically see a 6’5”, 350 pound man contemplating jumping a cash register to beat in someone’s face with a canned ham because his brain told him it would do far more damage faster than a hand. It was even more out of character because I have never raised a hand in anger to a woman in my life.

At that point in time, all sanity departed and was displaced by the hypomanic shrieks in my mind to level her. It was a drastic indication of Bipolar Disorder making a very negative impact on my ability to conduct business and maintain employment. Definitely not a quirk. By showing the people you are trying to communicate with the difference between a “quirk” and what you deal with, you can help them see the severity of the situation in a clearer light.

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Categories
Self-Help

Sympathy Not Pity

What does the phrase “I’m sorry” mean to you? Whenever I relate something difficult I have gone through or the way mental illness affects me to a normal, I inevitably get an “I’m sorry” at some point. I’ll be perfectly honest with you, it used to infuriate me. I would think, ‘I don’t need your fucking pity! I’m stronger because of this shit, it doesn’t make me weaker!’ It was actually a comedy article that caused me to reevaluate that view. The writer’s point was that in most cases, the sentiment wasn’t “I feel sorry for you.” It was more along the lines of “I’m sorry you went through that because there’s nothing else I can say.”

I wrongfully equated “I’m sorry” to pity. Looking back, I realize that the person was just trying to show sympathy and understanding that I had gone through some difficulties while not necessarily deserving them. What else is there for the listener to say?

I’m a little disappointed in myself that it took so many years for me to reach that understanding. I always try to put myself in the shoes of other people before making judgments or decisions. I think the subject matter was just too close to home for me to detach enough to put myself in that person’s place. It has fundamentally changed the way I handle interactions with normals.

A phrase I like to say is “I have sympathy but not pity.” Pity, to me, is something that is reserved for the truly oppressed and disadvantaged. It is for the people that are no longer capable of helping themselves. Even then, my pity disappears if they are offered assistance and refuse to work on their situation. I’ve never met a person that lived with Bipolar Disorder or Depression that I’ve pitied. I sympathize with their struggles and losses as they’ve tried to live with it. But I don’t pity them. There are hundreds of paths to wellness, you just need to keep trying until you find the right one.

I really advise you to analyze your view of the phrase “I’m sorry”. Does it make you angry? Sad? Make you want to seal off more? Are any of those reactions rationally proportionate to the person saying it to you? I know in my case, it was not. It was infuriating enough to almost be a manic trigger. That is certainly not a good way to maintain friendships and relationships with other people. It was also entirely my responsibility to change the way I viewed and reacted to that phrase as opposed to attempting to change the way everyone else viewed it. So yeah, I guess I was being kind of an asshole.

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