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The Improper Use Of The Term “Bipolar Trigger”

Post author By Dennis
Post date September 2, 2014
10 Comments on The Improper Use Of The Term “Bipolar Trigger”

Time and time again I see people tossing around the phrase “bipolar trigger” with disregard. Unfortunately, not understanding what a trigger is can create a number of problems in trying to figure out and manage the Disorder. It creates a misconception that causes a number of people to see their loved ones as rapid-cycling when they are not.

So what is a “trigger”? A trigger is a circumstance that kicks off an unwell cycle. It can be anything; ranging from a smell that kicks up forgotten memories, to being assaulted, to a movie. to the sky being blue. Here’s the important distinction- it kicks off an unwell cycle. It doesn’t create temporary spikes, general moodiness, or just discomfort. It is a circumstance that starts an unwell cycle.

Let’s have a look at some examples with visuals to help demonstrate this better. We’ll get to why it’s important in a minute.

Chart Legend

MOOD
10 – Full Blown “I’m The Reincarnation of Jesus” Mania
8 – Hypomania
4-6 – Normal Person Range
3 – Mild Depression
0 – Suicidal Depression

TIME
Increments shown are just for an easy visual reference. Could be hours, days, weeks, or months depending on the person.

Blue Circle denotes a trigger.

So here’s what a normal person’s moods will look like.

Notice how the person’s mood stays pretty much in the range of 4 to 6. 5 would be a fairly typical baseline for a number of people. Different people may have different baselines. Mine for years and years was about a 3. I’ve met other Bipolars who had a baseline more around the 7 mark. They were intense, volatile and constantly on the go. They were also very easy to tip into a manic cycle.

This second chart denotes a Depressive cycle. The blue circle is the “trigger”. That may have been bumping into an ex you’re still tender about, someone dying, losing your job, getting passed over for a promotion, a television commercial, the smell of a turkey dinner that reminds you of your dead mother, or again; the sky being blue. For whatever reason, your brain “triggers” and you crash straight the fuck into depression. Your baseline is now around the 1 mark, shifting slightly up and down. Depressive people don’t tend to be as chaotic as escalated people. Most of the time, your brain is lethargic and can’t think worth a shit.

This third chart shows a typical manic cycle, crash, and the start of rebalancing. The blue circle on this chart denotes the manic trigger. Notice how the person’s mood rockets upwards? There’s nothing slow or subtle about it. The person’s baseline shifts to about an 8 and starts bouncing around up in that area. Eventually, the cycle runs it’s course, and the person’s brain drops off into the abyss. Over the next little bit, the person’s brain will raise up out back to their “normal” baseline. But note how the person drops to a 0? This is common. It’s not difficult to associate suicides with this severe drop off. The person just got off a run of fucking up and destroying their life around the 8, then they fall to 0, an area that would normally make them more vulnerable to self-harm and suicide; and then it’s no difficult step to kill yourself when you weigh everything you fucked up in this cycle and throughout your life.

Why Is This Important?
Now, I’m going to take a stab at what you’re wondering.

“Dennis, is this more detail specific bullshit that only you give a shit about?”

No. And here’s why. When I was in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, my therapist explained an unwell cycle being like a train leaving a station. You can stop it much easier as it is leaving the station as opposed to when it gets going full bore. A person that can identify their trigger and the escalation/fall in Time 3-5 can take measures to derail their unwell cycle. A Bipolar person can significantly minimize the effects of an unwell cycle or possibly avert all the bullshit that falls from about Time 5 on out.

Once you get to Time 5, you start seeing the spikes up and down. I regularly see people refer to these as “triggers”. They aren’t. Talking to your significant other and them getting pissed off at you isn’t a trigger. A good day, a suicidal day aren’t triggers.

Those things are all just a normal part of being Bipolar.

The trigger is what occurred at the Blue Circle. That’s it. Everything else is just the fallout from the cycle the person is in.

I beat the drum loudly that mental illness is AN ILLNESS. It behaves in certain predictable ways. You won’t always pick up on them but with the help of a significant other or loved one, they can point out when you’re starting to get more severe or your mood drastically changes. Unfortunately, the window of opportunity is small. Self-management is the best way to head off unwell cycles. It requires practice, practice, and more practice. I highly recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to learn techniques to do so.

How Do I Use This Information?
Unwell cycles get worse the more you dwell on the triggering circumstance.

The best thing to do is shove it straight out of your mind and take some actions that run counter to the potential cycle coming.

*If Depression is looming- put on some upbeat music and exercise, watch a comedy, read a book, do some hobby stuff that will take your focus off the negative thoughts.

*If Mania is looming- slow your mind down, listen to some peaceful music, remove yourself from stress, take a nap, anything that will help you relax and shift your thoughts away from the trigger.

Nowadays, I can usually catch about 90% of my shifts. They’ve gotten more subtle since I started on meds, which is both good and bad. Good in that they’re more subtle, bad in that they’re easier to miss, though the cycles are also milder. Triggers can come out of anywhere.

For example, some of mine-

“The Simpsons” movie is a severe depressive trigger. I got this movie to watch with my ex-Fiancee after she got home from work. Before the movie she said she had something important to talk to me about. After it was her “I need to leave you” conversation. So my brain associates the movie with that emotional pain.

Fight or Flight response. I’ve had several hypomanic cycles start because apparently the Fight or Flight response has a similar physiological affect on the body as a hypomanic cycle. It essentially tricks the Bipolar mind into thinking it is already in a cycle.

Using this knowledge is simple once I have it. One, I just avoid the Simpsons movie unless I’m testing my antidepressant. If someone else is watching it, I’ll just go somewhere else and focus on something else, force the thoughts and feelings of that conversation out of mind. By not dwelling, I interrupt the Depressive crashing.

It’d be great if we could all avoid Fight or Flight, but unfortunately that’s not feasible. Knowing that it will start a hypomanic cycle for me, I plan accordingly for it. After the circumstance, I will pay closer attention to my thoughts, double check any “great” ideas with people that I trust that know me well, and not make any frivolous purchases.

I know and am prepared for these circumstances because I know many of my triggers and how to identify the symptoms that indicate my brain is going to shit. You can learn those things too.

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The Difference Between Human Emotions And Mood Disorder “Emotions”

Post author By Dennis
Post date May 29, 2014

I have come to realize that a lot of people simply do not grasp that there is an extreme difference between genuine human emotion and what people with mood disorders experience. I feel like this is an imperative distinction to understand for the mentally ill and their loved ones. If you don’t understand how you’re different; how are you supposed to minimize the damage and find solutions to the problem?

So let’s talk emotions. A normal person will experience a wide range of emotions; but those emotions will not regularly cause interference in their lives. It is normal to make bad decisions while emotional. Everyone does it whether it be from anger, jealous, or sadness. Bad decisions occur. The important thing to remember is that a normal minded person will still feel fairly consistent through these mood changes. What do I mean by consistency?

Let’s say you have a fight with a significant other. You may be absolutely pissed at that person for whatever reason; but you still love and care about that person. If that person had an emergency, broke down on the highway, or had a loved one die; you’d probably swallow your rage and deal with it. Arguments happen in relationships and it’s a normal part of being in someone’s space for an extended amount of time. Even if you’re angry, your love and care for that person is still there. Another good example is if a child gets into an accident. First there’s the concern, “is my baby alright?” Once it is determined they are, then comes the anger or disappointment if applicable.

That’s normal. A mood disorder causes a person’s emotions to shift completely into extremes.

Let’s say you’re with a Bipolar partner. The two of you have a bitter argument and their entire demeanor changes as a result. They inform you that they hate you and you had better not go to sleep tonight. If the person has swung unwell because of the fight (a potential trigger), their mentally ill brain is now feeding them false information and feelings on the situation. If an unwell Bipolar person says they hate you and you had better not go to sleep tonight; you better take that shit seriously and get help before things have the opportunity to get bad.

At that point in time; there is no begrudging love. That’s why affairs happen so often by Bipolars. It isn’t that they don’t love their partner. It’s that they get caught in a torrent of unwell thinking that is convincing them that they do not love or care about their partner at all while they are sick. When the person rebalances out, then they get to look back on the horrible things they did, said, or put their partner through. Decent people will feel terrible about doing those things.

And I hear from misguided, good Bipolar people that they don’t want to use their mental illness as an excuse. “There was no excuse for me to do that.” I’m not suggesting you should use it as an excuse, but you can’t harbor self-hatred for mistakes made while you were unwell. Would you feel guilty and beat yourself up if you couldn’t play baseball because you broke your leg? And I know what you’re thinking- “that’s not the same thing”. Yes, it is. It’s exactly the same thing. Your brain is an organ that can be subject to being sick and not functioning correctly. If it’s sick and not functioning correctly, how can you be expected to make the right decisions all the time?

That’s what makes it a “mental illness” instead of a “mental super happy fun time”.

Does that mean the person should be absolved of any responsibility because of their actions? Absolutely not. The feelings of the normal person who was hurt in the process need tended to as well. I am a firm believer in never apologizing for being mentally ill; but you can and should apologize for hurting people that you do so they can cope with it and move past it.

People with a mood disorder who have not been diagnosed or studied their mental illness often fail to understand there is a difference. In fairness, how could you? A person that has been riding the rollercoaster a majority of their life isn’t going to have any kind of frame of reference to understand what is normal emotion and what is mental illness.

A person experiencing regular sadness will not be contemplating killing themselves or self-harming. Regular sadness does not turn you numb and apathetic for an extended period of time. That is when it is crossing over into depression territory. Even in deep sadness over the betrayal of a loved one; the love will still be there beneath the hurt likely creating internal conflict of the person. The mind of a person with a mood disorder will just jump on the “fuck you” thought process and run; completely changing while they’re unwell. And when they rebalance out they get to look back on the ashes of what they destroyed while unwell.

Happiness is similar. Yes, life is hard for a lot of people and filled with unpleasant shit. But it is not normal to NEVER feel any sort of happiness at all, ever. Hypomania and mania are severe. They cause the person’s brain to scream along in a direction and leave plenty shattered in their wake. Love may disappear or it could become an intense fixation, more pure and passionate than anything we’ve ever experienced. That person is perfect, angelic, and can do no wrong. And that right there is a major sign that we are screaming into insanity. That is a perfectly unreasonable thought process to have about anyone. No one is perfect. No one can do no wrong. We’re all human.

If you’re trying to help an undiagnosed loved one understand why their moods and emotions are fucked up; remember that they probably don’t have a good point of reference to understand what “normal” is. You have to explain it to them in a way that they will be able to understand.

“I know you don’t think you’re depressed; but normal sadness does not virtually cripple a person. You’re sleeping 16 hours a day, skipped a week of work, and haven’t eaten or showered in four days. Sadness does not do that to a person. You need to talk to a doctor.”

“I know you don’t think you’re manic; but your passion and clarity are not normal with happiness. Being happy shouldn’t cause you to completely change what you like and dislike. And it’s normal for happy people to even have doubts on some of their major decisions that you’re just jumping into without a care in the world. You feel great, you quit your job, and now you’re ready to hop a bus to Nashville to pursue a music career when you played guitar for like six months in college? It’s not rational thinking even though it feels so right and so great to you right now. You need professional help.”

And as always, these are just general thoughts. Everyone’s situation is different. The more personal you can get with it, the better opportunity you’ll have to break through the madness. So give it some thought; and if you need help with your approach; leave a comment or email me directly at the address listed below and we’ll see what we can come up with.

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Tags bipolar, bipolar disorder, bipolar emotions, Bipolar friendships, bipolar relationships, depression

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Bipolar Manifesto Celebrates Its Second Year!

Post author By Dennis
Post date February 10, 2014
5 Comments on Bipolar Manifesto Celebrates Its Second Year!

Today, Bipolar Manifesto celebrates its second birthday. Well- near as I can tell anyways. It was the day I registered the domain name and began to upload what I had written for the website. My goal was to provide information based on what I thought would have helped me at the times when I was going through a lot of this bullshit. I read a lot when I was first diagnosed and I felt that there was a lack of actionable information on the internet. I found plenty of rehashing of DSM criteria, plenty of trying to make people feel better about what they were going through, and plenty of people trying to make sense of their struggles. Quite a bit of it useful- but not a lot of it you could put to work for yourself in a meaningful way.

And really, that’s what’s driven the information I present on my Bipolar Manifesto. I feel it is also why I have had such a great response from a number of people. So far there have been 250 blog comments and 1500 emails in my inbox since I launched the site. And yes, I read and respond to every single one in as detailed a way as possible.

So- how are things looking for the coming year?

-I have been working on this Friendships and Relationships e-book for awhile now. I’m putting a cut off on my work on it for May sometime. I’ve gone back and forth on a number of things with it that have caused me to push it back, plus the ebb and flow of my own brain-meats. The quality I expect for it is a bit difficult to reach for. I want either a professional or a novice to be able to pick it up, understand it, and view it as a strong piece of work. To that end- I’ve been including references where I know there to be some and have worked to distinctly separate my opinion from established fact. But in doing so, I need to make sure it is easy to understand for the novice. So it’s a balancing act for sure.

This will hopefully be the first of several e-books that I will offer on a pay what you want basis. I mean, there’s easily more than enough info collectively on my site to cram into a book but meh. Too disorganized and ineffective when presented that way.

-I’ve been contemplating picking up a web cam and doing short, 5 minute Q&A videos or my own “talks” of a sort. I see a lot of common questions that I have addressed in blog post form but people like video as well so what the hell? Quite a few pros; only cons are- I’ll have to wear pants and periodically make myself look socially acceptable. I know, I know- I’m just as horrified as you are.

-Well, that’s really it in the immediate. I have some personal goals- like Peer Support Certification- that will be reflected in what I do here. But other than that, no great ideas at the moment other than to keep exploring information and trying to communicate the bullshit better to the people out there that need it.

I kind of feel like that will be a “forever” project.

And I will close this post with a big Thank You. Thank you to the people who have offered praise and criticism, to the people who have shared my work or pointed me to others, to the people who have contributed donations to me. I greatly appreciate it all. Every bit of it helps give me the drive, exposure, and resources to hopefully bring my style of information and pursuit of well-being to people that need it.

So thank you!

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General Hypomania Uncategorized

Interpreting Bipolar and Depressive Thought Processes

Post author By Dennis
Post date July 14, 2013

Thanks to Ashley for the idea for this post!

Being the friend or loved one of a person with mental illness is extremely difficult. Normals are used to dealing with typical emotions and thought processes from a well-minded perspective. I find that they assume that the mentally ill person in their life should follow similar thought processes. Confusion and hurt feelings is the general result as the mentally ill person’s mind acts in unfamiliar ways. So let’s talk about a few things that will help normal minded people interpret these thought processes more efficiently.

– Don’t jump to conclusions until you know all of the facts.
Facts are the most important tool in dealing with mood disorders (and several mental illnesses). If you don’t have a factual reason to reach a conclusion; then don’t jump to it. Let’s say a mentally unwell friend ceases communication one day. They aren’t responding to texts or phone calls and you don’t know what to think. What conclusion do you draw from that? Is the person in crisis? Or did they just accidentally drop their phone in the toilet? Don’t spend days wondering and letting that stress eat you up. Stop by their house or get in touch with a mutual friend to see what’s going on. Get to the facts of the situation. Your stress will go down a lot.

– Not every contrary action indicates a potential unwell period.
Unwell periods happen. It is important to remember that the mentally ill person in your life is still a person. They do still have regular thoughts, feelings, passions, and annoyances. If they get angry about something; it doesn’t necessarily mean they are getting unstable. Ladies- it would be the same thing as your getting upset about something and a guy asking you if you’re PMSy. You don’t have to be chemically imbalanced to angry or sad about something. What you actually want to look for is irrational thinking. If a person’s words or emotions aren’t fitting a rational narrative then one should consider their potential unwellness. “Fuck, I hate my coworker!” (Rational) vs “Fuck, I hate my coworker! I’m going to go wait for him until he gets off work!” (Irrational)

– Not every suicidal or self-destructive thought is cause for emergency.
I understand the point of the medical profession that every suicidal thought or self-destructive action should be treated with the utmost seriousness. But alerting authorities every time? If someone had done that to me every time I had a dark shift I would still be hospitalized. The fact of the matter is; we nutcases deal with self-destructive, suicidal, and self-harm thoughts on a pretty regular basis. If a person is voicing threats and is clearly unstable- by all means get authorities involved. But a person who is just expressing some dark thoughts- well that’s the kind of thing I would be inclined just to listen to. You can prevent a lot by just being present. I understand the need to ensure nothing negative happens; but that help isn’t free. Sinking someone 4,000 in debt from a half day hospital stay where they do absolutely nothing for you isn’t going to help the person at all. And yes, that shit happens regularly.

– We do not expect you to have all of the answers.
A mentally ill person that confides in you may not be looking for answers at all. In many cases, we know that you don’t have any answers. We are just trying to get some of this shit out of minds and try to let someone else in. Your response can either open the way further or close it back up tight. In the event that the person actually is looking for an answer that you don’t know, just say “I don’t know off the top of my head, but we can look for it if you want.” There’s a lot of quality information on the internet but you sometimes have to really dig for it. Or hell, if you’re reading this you pretty much know where to find me. Leave a comment, send me an email. If I know I’ll be glad to share it with you. But you will find, more often than not, the person is just trying to express some of what is going on in their mind.

– Counter hopelessness with knowledge and understanding.
There will eventually come a time when you are faced with your loved one being hopeless about their life and situation. Being mentally ill is not a death sentence or condemnation to a shitty life. Yes, our challenges are complicated. Yes, it’s not fucking pleasant at all quite a lot of the time. Many of us can live productive lives with self-management, medication, and hard work. A person dealing with a massive downswing in their mentality is stuck in the right now. The way to move them past that is to get their focus shifted towards their future. Remind them- “You can be well. You may not have a typical life, but it can be good. We just have to keep working towards it together.”

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Tags bipolar, bipolar disorder, depression, mental illness, mood disorder, mood management, relationships

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Reacting To Suicide

Post author By grimscorpio575
Post date February 3, 2012

I dislike suicide, not for the obvious reasons. I dislike it because the absolute end leaves behind so much stupidity. The person who ends up losing the war in their mind and commits suicide is rarely remembered with fondness or warmth. No, they’re remembered for the sole act of committing suicide. A singular act in their life that redefined everything else they may have accomplished to that date. I would point out that I’m not talking about things like assisted suicide for the terminally ill or someone who is just tired of life in general. I had indirect association with a man in his early 50’s who shot himself because he was simply tired of the way life had been for him. Having lived in poverty, I can understand that mentality and sympathize.

Instead, I’m talking about the people that struggle with depressive components of mental illness and end up killing themselves. Those types of problems do not just appear overnight. They ramp up over a long period of time. In the case of Don Cornelius, he had been expressed dark and depressive thoughts the last few years since his divorce which his friends are now realizing were indicators of a more serious problem. And therein is the problem; hindsight is 20/20. It’s easy to go back and realize there was a problem after the fact. That doesn’t really help anyone though. People will inevitably miss indicators, the mentally ill will periodically take their own lives; it is impossible to “save” everyone.

So when someone does lose the fight, why is it that they are remembered for that singular act? That one act where the scales finally tipped far enough to the suicidal side of the spectrum to cause them to act. In my own family, we have a history of mental illness with some murders and suicides thrown in for good measure. Since my mother was adopted, she did not find her biological mother until she was about 50. I was the only person in my family with mental difficulties that I knew about until that family was found. It would be easier for me to milk a honey badger than it is to get people to talk about the suicides.

“We don’t talk about that.” “Um, that makes me uncomfortable to talk about.” “I don’t think we should talk about that.”

I get it. It’s easy to paint that person as selfish for making the choice they did. Unfortunately, that’s not exactly how suicidal thinking works. It’s not so much as a choice as it is a culmination of bullshit stacking up with the perception that there is no way out. Most people that attempt suicide are not doing so because they want to die, they do so because they can no longer deal with their problems and they have no hope it will change. I have 1 active and 6 passive suicide attempts under my belt, if I thought for a second that the next 18 years would be anything like the past 18 years; I would slit my wrists and jump off the bridge. But no, I have hope things can be different.

I am sorry that a person close to you caused you so much pain. But you know what? YOU’RE STILL ALIVE. By not talking about these things it is far more difficult for other people going through it in a family to come forward or seek help. Why? They don’t want to be labelled as a “nutcase” or treated differently. But no, what really matters is the feelings of the living and how deceased’s action made them feel. Not the fact that the person laying in the box no longer has that choice.

Dear reader, I am very weary. I’m weary of people using emotions and feelings as a crutch. As much as I have tried, I simply do not have the energy to care about how these people feel about something that they clearly don’t understand. A week after, I can understand. 20, 30 years later? Really? When is it appropriate to talk about suicide?

If you had someone in your life close to you commit suicide, forgive them. It will do wonders for your own mentality. Remember them fondly. Hell, set a place for them at your next holiday dinner. They walked a long, hard, lonely road and lost their war. But here’s the thing. If you have kids or family members around who are walking the same path in their mind, they will be more open to talking about what’s in their mind.

A great number of mental illnesses have their roots in genetics. Which means if your family line up to that point has struggled with mental illness, it’s a pretty safe assumption it’s going to continue down the line. Changing that perception may prevent your grandkids or great grandkids from taking the same route the deceased did.

Silence benefits no one.

Now it’s too late to change the fate

To change the way, the time is out

Way too soon you had to go away

Why so soon you had to fly away

The guilt, The pain burning like a flame

The pain we feel too bad it’s so real

Feelings of shame ourselves we blame

Throughout the years speaking to deaf ears

– ‘Wasted Years’ – Norther

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Tags bipolar, bipolar disorder, coping, mental illness, suicidal thinking, suicide

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The Joys of Depression

There are not a whole lot of things in this world that I hate, but depression and the depressive side of the Disorder is definitely a big one. A major determination in my Social Security Disability hearing was the feeling that my depressive component more closely resembles a Major Depression as opposed to regular. That was odd to me at first, I tend to view myself as a fairly self-aware individual. The hypomania I’m familiar with. But that leads me to wonder what regular depression is more like?

A deeper depression does explain a lot. There are times when I will go weeks without showering because I just don’t care. Even then, when I do pull myself in its less about getting clean and more about getting my scalp to quit itching. I’ve gone days without eating before just because I don’t care. I’ll go out of my way to avoid social contact because I’m apathetic to human interaction and do not have the energy to waste effort on it.

I will even hit spells where I sit here, look at my medication, and just don’t take it because “fuck it who cares?”. I know I should have been taking it. I know how it’ll affect me if I don’t. I know how bad of an idea it is to just not take it. But there are still times that I fall into that mentality for as much as I harp about people taking responsibility about their medication commitment. I do fail to live up to mine on occasion. I point it out because I want everyone that reads my words to understand that even though I know how important it is, I still get depressed enough to utterly not give a shit.

People that don’t experience depression and try to relate always amuse (or irritate) me. I can remember three times in my adult life that I have felt happy with no hint of depression or hypomania. Three. The first was when I was incorrectly diagnosed as a depressive and put on wellbutrin with no mood stabilizer. There was a day when I felt good as I transitioning from depression to rocketing into hypomania. The second time was when I was diagnosed Bipolar. That lasted a good few hours. The third time was realizing that I was only feeling sad after trying a new medication when my ex-Fiancee informed me she found someone. I went from extremely sad about the situation to extremely happy that I was feeling sad without the void, no depression! That was when I started on prozac which now doesn’t work worth a shit for me again.

Then there’s the assholes that chime in with “Oh do you think everyone’s happy and that’s what life is about or something?” Yes, yes it is. Because if given the choice between living destitute in the gutter without depression or living in luxury in a mansion with it; I would opt for the gutter. Humans are not meant or wired to feel this muted, bastardized version of an emotional spectrum. If I thought for a second I would have to live mired in depression for the rest of my life, I’d kill myself now and get it over with.

But I don’t think that. And I’m not going to let idiots tell me what I know to not be true. I have hope there will be something better for me as I move forward. Now to try yet another antidepressant…

“I hurt myself today, to see if I could feel.

I focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real.

The needle tears a hole, the old familiar sting.

Tried to kill it all away, but I remember everything.” – Nine Inch Nails “Hurt” (cover by Johnny Cash is excellent)

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Tags bipolar, bipolar disorder, coping, depression

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Maintaining Friendships And Relationships With Bipolar Disorder

Post author By grimscorpio575
Post date January 19, 2012
367 Comments on Maintaining Friendships And Relationships With Bipolar Disorder

An extremely difficult aspect of living with Bipolar Disorder is keeping friendships and relationships in the long-term. The swings that we experience are not only destructive to ourselves but to those we are closest to. Preserving relationships with the people we care most about requires sacrifice, effort, and understanding from all of the involved parties. The following is a foundation for building an approach to keeping these relationships intact. Much of the advice I provide is distilled to a bare bones approach that I feel anyone can adapt to their lifestyle. Mental illness is a personal experience like no other, thus it requires a personalized management style.

*Educating Both Parties
The first step is to build a foundation of knowledge for both parties. The Bipolar person should wait until they are as level as they can be to prevent perceived slights from exploding.

– Bipolar: As a Bipolar, we need to understand how a loved one perceives us while unwell. Are they afraid, uncomfortable, pained? After you level off, you will need to initiate the steps to repair the breach.

– Normal: A Bipolar that is in an unwell period is perceiving life through a twisted lens. We react to things in ways that make no sense to anyone but us. The person that you know and love is in there. It may take days or months, but under normal circumstances they will return when in balance.

*Preservation Strategy
On a regular basis, we the Bipolar are left watching the ashes of our personal lives drifting through our fingers. The actions we take while unwell always have greater repercussions through every aspect of our lives. Thus, we should strive to minimize the damage of the flame once it ignites.

– Bipolar: Always remind yourself to hear what you are being told. Try to prevent their statements from running away in your mind. “I can’t give you ten bucks.” Doesn’t mean anything more than that though it can easily get to ‘That person won’t give me ten bucks because they don’t love, respect, or care about me. So fuck that mother fucker too!’ And now you’re in a hostile mentality ripe for torching that friendship.

– Normal: Be aware that any action or statement you make could get blown out of proportion in the Bipolar’s mind. However, that does not mean that you are to be a doormat or a victim. When dealing with someone who is unwell, keep your statements short and to the point. If their reaction seems out of sync with what is going on, it is quite likely the Disorder twisted it out of proportion. Stay calm and even. If you cannot, leave the conflict. Step away with something like, “I’m not sure if you are unwell or not, but I do not feel this conversation is constructive. We will talk about it tomorrow.” By doing so, you are not providing fuel to make the situation worse.

*Forgiveness Is All Important
There is no more powerful action than forgiveness. That does NOT mean you should allow yourself to ever be a victim or doormat. Mental illness is not an excuse to treat other people like shit. Yes, we periodically do treat other people terribly, but that does not make it right or acceptable.

– Bipolar: Be aware that everyone has certain boundaries that cannot be crossed. In the event that you do, you may very well lose that person or drive them away for good. Should that time come there is not a whole lot you will be able to do. Avoid letting feelings of resentment, anger, or abandonment build. Forgive them. Tell them you understand and let them go. Why? By doing so you are not reinforcing the unwell you in their mind. They are seeing you are a rational, reasonable, understanding person. Their thoughts in the coming days won’t be about whatever lunacy you were going through at the time, but be focused more on their last, rational interaction with you.

– Normal: Not everyone can handle being around the mentally unwell when they are. You need to identify your limits so you know what is entirely out of bounds. This will help the Bipolar person as well since they may be able to recognize it as a boundary. At some point in time, I took to looking behind a person’s actions for motivation before making a judgment. The same thing will help when deciding whether or not to forgive a Bipolar person their slights against you.

For example: I’ve been through approximately 25 jobs in the last 15 years or so. While I was with my second ex-Fiancee, I was still without diagnosis. I continued to lose jobs on a regular basis. Instead of coming clean about it, I lied about why I kept losing jobs to her. Now on the surface, one can just look at it and go “okay you lied several times, you’re a shithead.” and in large part I’d agree. However, I lied because I knew I had difficulties holding a job and was trying to turn it around. I knew it would affect her clinical depression and I did not want her to be so mad at me that I could not help her get through it. Was it right? No. Would I have handled it that way if I was well? No. Was it what my unwell brain told me was the best approach? Yep.

There are very few simple, clear cut reasons with a Bipolar thought process. If they do not cross your limits, its better to forgive them if you don‘t understand the thought process they are relating to you.

*Repairing Breaches
To the people that have experienced the pain of losing someone close to them because of their actions, you might find it hard to believe that there is a silver-lining. Going back, apologizing, and repairing the breaches between you and the people you care about can greatly strengthen your relationships. In addition, it will help separate the people that can handle your unwellness from those that can’t. You will have to take the step forward though. Embrace whatever humility you have to approach the people you wounded to ask forgiveness.

When I put this idea forward, the first response I usually get is “Why should I apologize! I’m the one with the mental illness!” I understand your frustration. This is not about mental illness, this is about showing remorse for hurting someone you care about. The approach I typically use is as follows:

‘I apologize for (insert action here) and the effect it had on you. I was in an unwell Bipolar cycle at the time so I was not myself. And I want you to understand, this is not an excuse but a reason. I acknowledge what I did, I know it was not the right thing to do, and to be honest, there’s a better than good chance I’ll probably end up doing something just as stupid in the future. That’s life with Bipolar Disorder. If you want to forgive me, that’s your choice. If not, I understand that too. If I can make it right, I will.’

And then I give the person space to think if they need it. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, sometimes it takes a few weeks, very rarely do they ever disappear for good.

*A Final Thought
The people in your life that can accept the bullshit we put them through and forgive you are your most valuable allies in your battle for wellness. If they are a person you can trust, their word becomes invaluable while you are unwell. They can be an anchor to what reality actually is. In my case, if I am acting severely out of my mind and someone points it out to me, rather than go out and about and cause the chaos that will come with being unwell; I hole up and ride it out until it passes. Once I rebalance, I get back on the path of whatever it is I was doing. By doing so, I help minimize damage and shorten my unwell periods. The more fuel shoveled in the furnace of mind the longer I’m going to burn, right?

Don’t hesitate to bring the people you love and care about in your world if you are Bipolar. They already know your different facets. They may not like, agree, or desire the unwell you. But there is a person in there that they value and love, otherwise they wouldn’t be putting up with our bullshit. In most cases, the person they love is the well person we are struggling so hard to get to with the therapy, doctors, medication, exercises, and more.

More information is available in my article “Effectively Managing A Bipolar Relationship”.

“This is my other side,
I’m not only a Dark One,
As I have a pulsing heart,
For all who care.”

– “The Dark One” Darkseed

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Tags bipolar, bipolar disorder, relationships, repairing friendships, repairing relationships

Uncategorized

What is Reality?

What is reality?

Bipolar Disorder is an illness that causes one’s reality to get warped and distorted. So much so that one begins to get confused about what reality is and is not. In a way, it’s like two people looking at a dark blue shirt. One may see dark blue, the other might see black. The lighting and angles plus distance can make it hard to determine what color it actually it is. So it is with the Disorder. The people you love become the people you hate. Wanting to live becomes wanting to die. Things you would never do under normal circumstance seem to be an extremely good idea.

So for the duration of my life, I went from an introverted kid to a manic-depressive teenager to an on my way to wellness adult. Now that I’m on a good medication cocktail and my mind is starting to level out.. I’m sort of at a loss. Everything I saw up to this point was through the veil and drape of depression. Everything I felt was tainted by the emptiness. Seeing the positivity in anything was an impossibility. Now it feels like I have to learn how exactly to interpret the world again. As if the last 30 years was my brain deceiving me to see the world in a way that wasn’t necessarily real.

On the flipside of the coin, I love to learn things. So learning how to view the world with a well mindset will give me something to think about as I work towards putting things back together. Though it is still irritating that I do have learn how to view the world and the people around me in a well mindstate. Oh well. No point in complaining. Don’t have a choice in the matter.

I think I’ve finally reached the age and point in life where I’m smart enough to realize I don’t know shit. S’about how it is.

Are you really sure that a ceiling can’t be a floor?
– MC Escher

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General Uncategorized

A Brief Introduction

Post author By grimscorpio575
Post date March 17, 2010

I’ll spare you my life story because no one on the internet really gives a crap about that. The nuts and bolts of things are simple. I spent seventeen years as an unmedicated, undiagnosed type 2 Bipolar. I also have many autistic qualities that I knew nothing about until my son was diagnosed with it. And that was about 30 years. I’m starting this blog because I just have things I want to get out of my mind. I really do not care if anyone reads it or not, but I will leave it in public domain because I have had others ask me to do something of the sort in the past. If anyone can learn anything from it or how to better help or understand one of their loved ones, so much the better.

If being Bipolar has taught me anything, it’s that no matter how bad things may currently be, it can always be way the fuck worse. I was lucky to have family that gave a shit and people around me that do. Some folks that have been in my position have not had that luxury. And this is why I will never complain about my own issues. On the flip-side of the coin, this has also made it a lot harder for me to even feign the slightest amount of sympathy for other peoples’ pointless bullshit.

Aww, you got passed over for a promotion?

Aww, life so isn’t fair?

Aww, you don’t have enough money?

Watch me shed crocodile tears for you. The petty bullshit people consider “problems” nowadays is by and large, laughable. I will expand upon this and more in coming posts. Those that find this entertaining, by all means follow along. Those that don’t, a lot of people suffered and died for you to express your opinions and me mine.

“I love being from a screwed up family. Nothing bugs me, nothing bothers me. Once you’ve driven a drunk father to mom’s parole hearing, what else is there?!” – Christopher Titus ‘Norman Rockwell is Bleeding’

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Tags bipolar introduction mental illness depression