I can’t count the number of times I’ve ran into Bipolars and Depressives who do not have an organized approach to finding their wellness. I’ve dealt with a lot of different people since I started living openly with being Bipolar and putting up my website. “Mental illness” is a perfectly suitable name for what we deal with. It’s an illness. It has symptoms, predictable patterns (though our actions during a pattern may not be), and a method of treatment.
But how many of us have slacked when it comes to our medication? It’s easy to do if you let yourself get mired down into morbid depression. You just keep chucking pills down your throat and hope it goes away as the weeks and months tick by. The problem is that we are sabotaging our own wellness efforts by letting the depression rule us. That’s why we need an orderly, organized approach.
Quite a few psych medications should be working by 4-6 weeks after you start taking them (check your prescriptions for specifics). There’s no reason to stay on the same dosage or medication after the maximum time has passed for the medication to be doing it’s job. If it’s not, call your doctor and get that shit either changed or increased. Chances are very good it’s not going to magically start working a month later.
One person I spoke with was taking an incorrect dosage for six fucking months! She could have tried as many as three varying dosages in addition to the original in that time. But she didn’t because she let her depression and mental illness drive her decision making processes.
If you want to be well, you have to push through the bullshit that you normally deal with to get it. An established course of action takes all the mental turmoil out of your decision making process. If it doesn’t work in 6 weeks (or a time appropriate to your prescription); get it changed. You’re only punishing yourself and the people around you by letting it go.
A similarly important point is to have some kind of idea on what “correct” medication should do for you. Everyone has different tolerances and desires. So you have to understand what you need out of your medication so you can define it as successful or a failure. Functionality, the ability to meet your basic needs as a human, and not have your mental illness destroying your relationships serves as a pretty good baseline.
It’s a bitch to get there, but you can make it. You just have to keep pushing and avoid the pitfalls your mental illness will inevitably throw in front of you.
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I realize that I am very inconsistent with providing updates and useful information. I suppose I should have accounted for exactly how social I’m usually not before attempting to reach out to people and connect through social media means. But hey, hindsight and all of that. It isn’t that I don’t like people. It’s more that in addition to being Bipolar, my family has a history of High-Functioning Autism. Several of my social processes are just broken. I’ve learned how to adapt to them in the past few years; but it still requires a shitload of mental energy. (Also, my word processor didn’t detect shitload as being a typo- which amuses me greatly.)
But! Today I want to provide you an affirmation. I know a lot of us deal with a whole lot of bullshit on a daily basis from dealing with ignorant people to just trying to keep things together in our minds. Today may be a shit today, tomorrow may be too; but just keep moving forward. Keep trying things. If one medication or technique doesn’t work- try another. Keep trying. Keep pushing forward.
Things will never change unless you keep pushing yourself. You can conquer the chaos in your mind. You can own your mental illness instead of it owning you. Yes, it requires so much work and effort. No, it’s not fair. But neither is life. You can spend your time spiraling into depression, dwelling on it; or you can do something about it.
If I can do it- you can do it. Educate yourself on management, how medication really works, and pull out the stops to claim your mental wellness.
It’s glorious to wake up in the morning and have my first thoughts be of anything other than death or just sleeping through the day. I want that for each one of you as well. Be kind to yourself.
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I don’t usually use this blog for random musing type things but I think today is going to be an exception. Today, I just want to talk about some of the catalysts that changed how I viewed my life and past in general.
I spent about 15 years undiagnosed and lived a pretty rough existence during that time. There were times I would come back, crash with family, and level off. But every time I went out and tried to get some shit accomplished on my own my brain would just rocket all over the place. The tally is about 7 suicide attempts, college, 25ish jobs, 2 engagements, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, living in a Detroit ghetto; and a bunch of shit that isn’t coming to mind at the moment.
Then I got my diagnosis and I started to look at my past. Everything started making more sense. I did very well for myself and in jobs when I was well. It took diagnosis for me to realize that the unwell periods are when I tore everything to the ground. I’d not only burn my bridges, but I’d defecate on the ashes, whip my dick out to whoever was on the other side, and feel damned fine doing it. That was the illness.
I went through a period where I mourned a lot of the things that the Disorder cost me. There were so many opportunities I had in front of me that I could not capitalize on because I ended up tearing them all down. I felt bad about past relationships because none of the women I’ve been involved with have been the superficial or flaky types. None of those relationships failed from lack of love or affection. Instead, it was mostly my insanity that created the gaps that ended them. I was afraid of what my future was going to look like since I had been unable to build anything of real use from 17 to almost 30.
But then I stumbled on a particular career path- a Peer Specialist. Peer Specialists are people who have recovered from things like alcoholism, drug addiction, and mental illness who are trained to assist other people who are going through the same issues. It’s a fairly new discipline but several of the ideas are present in groups like Alcoholics Anonymous. The idea that there is no person better suited to help than someone who has already lived it.
In the case of the Peer Specialist, the binding motto is- “Doctors are best suited to treat the illness. Peer Specialists are best suited to treat the person.” And that’s to take nothing away from medical professionals that actually strive to do their jobs well and help people. However, I am confident that a vast majority of us can easily recall bad experiences with medical professionals who either didn’t know what they were talking about or just didn’t give a shit. It’s a profession like any other. Some people are going to be good, most mediocre, and some terrible.
I was able to find a lot of internal peace with myself, my past, and my future upon learning of this profession. All of those years of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and insanity weren’t just lost. It was my education. It was my college and my graduate school. All of that negativity can be turned to something positive that I can use to help other people that really need it and are ready for it.
I spent a lot of years wondering where I was going to end up in the future- if I was going to wind up homeless or giving into those dark thoughts to kill myself. It wasn’t until I realized that my pain had value in itself that I started to find peace with myself. I threw off my desire to be perceived or accepted as “normal”. I embraced who I truly was.
And who am I? I am a Type 2 Bipolar. I’m a mostly regular guy who wants to see people have happier lives. I learned that acceptance from the “normals” is entirely irrelevant from the gangbangers, hustlers, and criminals I lived around in Detroit. For every one “hardcore mutha fucka” there were more that absolutely hated their position in life, didn’t want to be there, but had no way to escape.
This was best illustrated in an article I read a couple months back. The headline was something to the effect of “Poll Reveals Gangmembers Prefer Work Over Crime”. Now, for those of you that do not understand why that poll is retarded; let’s look at a couple quick facts. Average life expectancy of a gangmember is 25. Being in a gang means your life is going to progress on one of three avenues- the hospital, prison, or death.
Ignore the word gangmember and just think for a minute. Would you, or anyone you know, want to be in a profession that will absolutely end in death, jail, or the hospital most likely by 25? Fuck, no! Would you want to be in a position where you got to bury your friends and family members on a regular basis? No one does! The idea that a majority want that life is -fucking stupid-.
These things taught me humility. I’m not fucking important in this world and no matter how bad my shit is someone always has it worse. But I’m not stupid enough to think I can change the world. My goal is to just leave the life of the person I’m interacting with in a better state than I found it. That’s it. That’s the core of my approach towards life, towards myself, and chasing happiness.
And I’m not saying that everyone can or should be helped. I’ve met some pretty terrible people both in the ghetto and just in my general walk of life. I’ve dealt with a couple mentally ill people I would never trust or even extend a hand of friendship to because of their borderline criminal, dangerous mentalities.
But those people are relatively few and far between. They aren’t the norm by any means.
The primary point I want you to take away from this post is this- don’t be ashamed or afraid of the path you’ve walked so far. There are many ways to turn a really negative life into something positive. It may take some time, the road ahead may be completely unclear; but that doesn’t mean it’s not there.
And if you’re interested in possibly pursuing a career as a Peer Specialist; you should know that Social Security will pay for training through their vocational rehab program (provided you’re in). The training and the certification process are only about 40 hours. It differs from state to state. If you’re not on SS, a lot of times the entity that hires you will pay for the training. (Every example I’ve seen has been that they do; but I obviously can’t know every policy.)
Be good to yourself. Be a bit kinder to yourself. And don’t hesitate to say “I understand” to someone who’s struggling. You’ll meet some very interesting people. I know I have!
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Psychiatric medication is a topic that invokes mixed feelings in a lot of people. The mere mention of it will cause others to go out of their way to warn you of the dangers of it. In my experience, these well meaning people do not know what they are talking about. Their advice is damaging and can prevent others from finding wellness by filling their minds with unnecessary fear.
The single most common sentiment I hear from people is “I know someone who was on XYZ and they killed themselves! You don’t want to take that!” I hear it so often that I would venture to guess that most of you who have discussed psych medication with another uninformed party have probably heard it too. My mind is immediately filled with questions when I hear it. “Was the person taking it as scheduled? Were they communicating with their doctor when their symptoms got worse? Were they paying attention to their mentality as they changed dosages?”
The original statement doesn’t actually say anything worthwhile. It’s a statement of misunderstanding and fear. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t blame the person who is saying it. I know that they think they are doing the right thing because of the pain they have etched on their soul from the loss of someone they cared about. That doesn’t change the fact that the “advice” and fear they dole out is damaging and potentially hazardous to someone considering psych meds.
Why is it so harmful? Incorrect medication does not just send you from zero to insanity in the span of an hour or two. It’s going to take at least a couple days to even remotely approach it. A person who is taking a new medication should be very aware of what it could potentially do so they do not wake up one day and find themselves in that position. As symptoms get worse, they should be on the phone with their doctor telling them the meds are making them worse. This is even easier if there is a loved one who understands what’s going on that can pay closer attention to their behavior.
Now how many people actually do that? It’s a simple line of thinking and action that can derail serious complications with psych meds.
The only time I feel a person should not try psych meds to get Bipolar Disorder or Depression under control is if they are not ready to follow through on it. I’ve met far too many people that treat their psych meds like aspirin. “Oh, I just take it when I’m feeling off.” “I’ve missed three doses in the past week.” They don’t treat their psych meds with the respect it deserves. It is my opinion that those people should not be taking it until they are ready to commit to taking it as directed. There’s the potential for them to do far more damage to themselves than they realize.
Psych meds are a tool to help a person get well. Like any tool, it must be used safely and responsibly to prevent any unnecessary injuries. Be aware of the potential hazards of the med itself and always be on the look out for signs that it is making things worse. If it is- call your doctor and let them know. Keep pressing at it until you are able to talk to the person and get their guidance on what you should do immediately. It really is that simple. If you know you’re going to be changing meds or dosages then it should come as no surprise that there is a potential for it to go awry.
Don’t base your decision to take or not take psych medication on fear. Always examine and re-examine how your mentality is on a particular medication.
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I realize it’s been awhile since I blogged- pardon my silence. A combination of depression and a flurry of work coming in kept me fairly wrapped up. Today, I work as a freelance writer and content developer for small businesses and marketers on the internet. But before that, like so many of you, I had about 25 jobs from the time I was 17 to about 31. I thought I would share a few points with those of you struggling to find or keep jobs with similarly bad work records. Many of these protections afforded to us are thanks to the Americans with Disability Act of 1984. Learn it.
Note to non-American readers: I’ve found that many other countries have laws that provide certain protections for people with disabilities – which mental illness is normally classified as. Definitely look into any legal protections afforded to you.
Filling Out Applications
The quickest way to get your application tossed in the garbage is to list every single job you’ve had and lost. That is why we do not list them. Three is a fine number in most cases. If they provide space for more, you are not required to supply that information. You want to list the most recent job you’ve had (regardless of length) and the two longest jobs you’ve held in the past five years.
If you’ve quit because of depression or were fired because of unwell actions on the job; you can list your reason for leaving as Medical. Any lapse of employment in the time period- the reason you give is Medical. Why? Prospective employers are not permitted to inquire about medical history unless it is a sensitive job that requires that kind of screening for overall safety. (I’m pretty sure we can agree Bipolar police officers are not a great idea.) Even if the prospective employer calls a former employer, they cannot really ask much past confirming what dates you worked with the company.
The medical answer can go for any time periods that you do not want scrutinized- including those where you only held a job for a day before flipping out.
After A Hire
The first thing you should do is complete your probationary period. Probation is an easy time for employers to cut people if they want to. They will find a valid reason or they may just cut the person’s hours back to like 4-8 a week to get them to quit. Reaching the end of probation is another story.
After you have reached the end of probation, get a letter from your doctor informing the company about your mental illness to be filed with the human resource department of the company. If you are not comfortable with other people knowing about your struggles, you don’t have to tell everyone. But you do want to tell your immediate manager and the head manager just to make them aware that you do have a mental health condition that classifies as a disability.
Why are we doing this? Eventually, you’re probably going to have a mental crash. Informing your employer before it happens is a show of good faith on your behalf. That way it doesn’t seem like you’re just pulling it out of nowhere to cover your ass when things fall apart. An established history makes it easier to get approved for unpaid medical leave if necessary. Yes, unpaid leave sucks and most of us can’t afford that, but at least you’ll have a job to go back to instead of starting back at square one.
For those that can afford it- get short-term disability insurance either through your company or through a third party insurer. It typically covers up to 6 months. Anything past is considered long-term. Short-term disability does payout in the event that you need to take time off of work due to your disability. For the Bipolars- we are Bipolar forever. The medication is going to eventually need tweaked or stop working. Undoubtedly, we will end up missing chunks of work in the future. Might as well plan ahead.
Limitations
There are limits, some of which have already been mentioned. The most important to keep in mind is that the ADA does not apply to employers with under 15 employees. The legislation is written to assume it would cause undue hardship for those businesses. And, of course, businesses where safety would be a concern.
A Final Word
I realize that much of this documentation seems confrontational or purposefully evasive. I want you to understand that not every personnel director or manager is an asshole. I’ve met some very understanding people in those positions who struggled with a mood disorder, or had a family member who did, or made it very clear there was an open door to talk if it was necessary.
Unfortunately, all it takes is one asshole who has no understanding of what we live with. The rights provided to us by the ADA are there to ensure that asshole can’t make our lives miserable because of what goes on in our minds. There aren’t too many of us that can afford or want to be bouncing jobs. Good intentions don’t fill a child’s belly.
The quest for mental wellness is tightly intertwined with the advice and beliefs of the medical profession. The problem is that some medical professionals are not competent providers of care. The keyword is “some”. This is not an attack on the entire medical profession. The expectations that we, as a society, place on these people is entirely unrealistic. Who can spend their entire career doing any activity and not make a single error?
Instead, I’m talking about the dangerously incompetent or ignorant. Doctors, nurses, psychiatrists, therapists- they are just people. People do stupid things for misguided reasons or just plain, old-fashioned incompetence. None of us can afford to take the word of a medical professional at face value. The stakes for our personal well being are simply too high. That is why each and every person receiving care should accept the responsibility of understanding why they are doing what they are.
A good example is from a recent interaction I’ve had. A mother and father are trying to get their unstable, Bipolar daughter stable. Over the course of six months, she’s been in and out of psych wards. She’s extremely unstable to the point where she is likely to be a threat to herself or her family. The girl has seen different psychiatrists in that time frame. Every couple of weeks her medication has been changed at the behest of the doctor with the approval of her father. The father does not understand how mental illness or medicating function. It takes 4-6 weeks for several mood stabilizing medications to raise to therapeutic levels within the blood stream. It is quite likely that he, and the doctors, are making her stability worse by changing it so often.
Enough time is not given to see if the medication is functioning. Instead of using an emergency mood stabilizer to get her through the hardest times, they are changing the medication altogether. The worst part is that one of these medications may very well have worked for her. Now, she will just look back and say “Oh, I already tried that and it didn’t work” without ever reaching the point where she could tell if it actually was working or not.
The daughter and father put their blind faith in the knowledge of these “professionals”. The truth of the matter is- the medical profession is subject to the same pointless garbage that every other business is. Some people do not know what they’re talking about, others are incompetent, and still others simply don’t give a damn. The father does not have to be a doctor to look up the functionality of psych medication and find that a majority of it requires far more time to work than they are giving. That would require his accepting that he may not know everything about treating mental illness. And I’m sorry, but “liking” a doctor is no reason to assume they are competent.
I know I’ve crossed paths with many people that I’ve liked in life that have been terrible at their job. I’m sure if you think about your workplace, you can come up with a few yourself.
I get it. It sucks to watch someone you love go through such a difficult time. The desire to help is only natural. The problem is that mental wellness is not something delivered overnight. It requires patience and navigating the rough patches when they come up. Do you want the highest chance for success? Educate yourself on your (or your loved one’s) condition and how it is treated. Always ask questions. Always steer clear of any “professional” that will not answer your questions openly and help you understand.
There are plenty of wonderful, self-sacrificing, knowledgeable people involved in the mental health field; but the stakes are simply too high for us to put blind faith in anyone with regard to how we pursue our mental wellness.
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So it has been a lovely, trigger-filled adventure fun time in happy land as of late. Car’s dead. Laptop cooling fan’s dead. Television’s dead. And I haven’t been able to work much due to my brain being a pile of crap. If this text isn’t to the quality that you are used to from my posts; that would be why.
I was really looking forward to trying out and moving forward on my new antidepressant until I found out that it was $200 a month. I realize what some of you are saying in your head right now.. “That’s not that much.” And you’re right, it really isn’t. However, it is just enough where I was not entirely sure if I would be able to afford it consistently. As we should all know by now; not taking a psychiatric medication at all is better than taking it once in awhile. Taking it once awhile just throws your mind on a roller coaster to who knows where.
In the meantime; I’m looking into applying for a couple of programs that I previously did not. QMB to assist with Medicare premium payments and costs in addition to prescription assistance. Until I know for sure that I can maintain regularity with the effexor, I will just have to go back to pushing myself through the depression. Oh happy days are upon us again.
I’ve also decided to reenter therapy. I feel I need to take a more active pursuit in unmaking the last 20 years of damage that major depression has done to my outward views. That coupled with the social isolation in my mind, a high-end autism indicator, has had a very negative effect on my personal interactions. If I ever want to move into face to face peer assistance, I’m going to have to be less of a train wreck socially and care more about how others initially perceive me.
As they say, first impressions are everything. And only an idiot would take a face to face first impression with me positively.
Anyway, here is my Part 2 update. I will provide more when I have something more to offer. Be well.
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This post will be the first in a series I will do in relation to my medication change. I hope it will provide insight into my decision making process and better facilitate your pursuit of mental stability.
Just a few days ago I realized that I was missing out on a pretty good opportunity to provide you all with some insight on medication changes. I’ve been on varying dosages of a few different medications since my diagnosis. Antidepressants are the sticking point. None of the antidepressants that I have tried have even scratched the surface except for name brand Wellbutrin. That was several years ago when I talked to my doctor about depression and far before my Bipolar diagnosis. I felt pretty good for about a week on my way into one of the worst hypomanic periods that I have had. My rage was so extreme that I almost destroyed my refrigerator door because the milk was holding it open.
Today, I take lithium to prevent me from escalating. I have not had an escalation in probably two years now. While I would love to put Wellbutrin to the test now, I have no prescription coverage. I have only been taking generic equivalents to ensure that I keep my cost of long-term treatment down just in case I come unhinged or life sets me back in the future (Which is a strategy I advocate in my Medication Strategy). Wellbutrin does have a generic equivalent that is supposed to be chemically identical to the name brand. Surfing around the internet uncovers a much different story. There are pages upon pages of complaints, requests for the FDA to investigate, and a drastic disconnect from the name brand to the generic. The primary complaints about the generic are severe weight gain, amplified depression, and stronger suicidal impulses. That is not quite what I’m looking for out of an antidepressant. The chatter is too prevalent for me to think it is just standard internet bitching.
Just a few weeks ago I ended my fluoxetine (prozac) regimen and asked my doctor for an antidepressant from the same “family” as Wellbutrin. Prozac is an SSRI whereas Wellbutrin is an SNRI. What’s the difference? They stimulate different chemical processes in the mind. Taking the prozac worked about as well as taking sugar pills. Thus I decided I wanted to try something from the SNRI family which was sort of “successful” before. The medication of choice this time around is Venlafaxine Hydrochloride Extended Release, better known as Effexor.
I have already gotten off to a bad start. I have procrastinated and put off getting my bloodwork done for my lithium level testing. I ended up stretching my initial dosage of Effexor longer because I was trying to force myself to face my social anxieties and go get the shit done at the hospital instead of a remote clinic where I normally have my appointments. That already put me slightly off balance, though I know I am and have been taking active steps to keep myself in as well of a state as I can manage.
Moral of the story? Even though I’ve written hundreds of pages on mental health, finding wellness, and so forth; I still screw up in major ways sometimes. That is exactly why I never say that “my way is the only way”. My goal is to give readers a wider understanding, more options, and hope for something better. Why even bring it up? Because every person needs to know that they will screw up, give up, or lose hope eventually. You will have to do the same thing I do; push yourself to your feet and keep going.
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I would like to begin this blog post with a slew of profanity but I will spare you all my potty mouth. I visited my doctor a couple days ago and asked to be removed from fluoxetine because it had all of the effectiveness of sugar pills for me – even at a maximum dosage. I asked to switch families of antidepressants. Fluoxetine (prozac) is an SSRI style of antidepressant. What he put me on, effexor, is an SNRI. What’s the difference? An SSRI focuses solely on the neurotransmitters that produce serotonin. An SNRI affects both serotonin and norepinephrine transmitters. It has a much higher success rate against Major Depressive Disorder which is what the low end of the Bipolar spectrum is pretty close to for me.
Many moons ago I had talked to my doctor about depression and he put me on wellbutrin. It was great, for about 3 days. At the time, I had no idea what Bipolar Disorder was, or what happens when you put a Bipolar person on an antidepressant with no mood stabilizer. I rocketed into the stratosphere. Everything enraged me. I would go out to our garage and use the weight machine until I couldn’t move anymore just to try and burn some of the excess energy off. The problem was, I didn’t know what it felt like to not be depressed. I had an inkling that something was wrong but was unable to really put my finger on it. I ended up coming off wellbutrin before too much damage was done due to a loss of insurance. (uh – thanks, corporate America? I guess?)
At present, I’m horkin’ down lithium and am starting to get this effexor seeded in my system. You know, initially I wasn’t going to apply for payment assistance through Social Security but at about 150 bucks a month for this prescription I probably will just to ensure I can keep up with everything I need to while I see if this crap is going to work for me or not.
This whole feeling stoned thing is a distinct flavor of crap that I find irritating. Many medications have side effects that will go away as your body gets acclimated to their presence. I’m hoping this feeling will be the same way once the effexor is seated in my system and the ol’ body is used to it being there. It is pretty common for a person to decide they can’t deal with a particular side effect without giving it enough to see if it goes away or not. Don’t make that mistake! Give it about 3-4 weeks. If it doesn’t go away, talk to your doc. In the meantime, few weeks to find out how this will effect my mentality. Probably another day or two before I find out how well the lithium is keeping things in check.
My doctor also recommended a cognitive therapist that he felt might help with my goals of readjusting how I view the world. I completely ran out of energy to be bitter and pissed off all the time – as much as I’d like to be. A mark of maturity? Of understanding? Of growing up? I don’t know. I’m just exhausted from thinking that way for so many years. Depressives, I’m sure you can identify with me on that.
Anyway, figured I’d write about the medication change. Let you all into my process, line of thinking, and strategy in case it can help you with yours. Any questions or comments, by all means leave them below! Be well!
-Dennis
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I am penning this missive as an easy way to help try and get someone close to you to understand what you are going through. Print it out, forward it to them; whatever. Get it in front of that person. Let me try and crack through the wall to help them see the difference.
To Whom It May Concern;
I am writing this letter on behalf of someone that you care about and that cares about you. Depression is a very misunderstood mental illness that affects quite a few people. Too many people equate “sadness” with depression, but they are nowhere near the same. Sadness is a normal human emotion, one that many of the depressed wish we could actually feel. Depression is a void. It is nothingness. It is a black hole that devours everything that makes life worth living.
I’m sure you have felt sad in your life. It is very normal. But how about depressed? People make the mistake of thinking it is all about emotion. It is not. Depression is rooted in a physical condition affecting the brain. Do you remember the last time you had a bad cold or flu? How did you feel mentally during that time? I’m willing to bet you weren’t upbeat and chipper. People commonly feel mentally exhausted, tired, and generally foul. It is the closest thing I have been able to come up with that compares to depression for someone that does not experience it. Depression however, is worse.
Why? Our breaks are few and far between. A person may have a flu or a cold for a week but they know it is going to end. What if you did not know it was going to end? What if it carried on for months or years at a time? How about if you ended up like me, dealing with major depression for going on 20 years? That mental state you have while you are sick is part of a physical ailment. It is a virus that is having a drastic effect on your mentality. So why is it so difficult for people to understand that the same thing can happen to a person without having the sniffles – only worse?
I have seven suicide attempts under my belt that range from putting a loaded gun to my head and pulling the trigger to taking fistfuls of pills with alcohol. I’ve attempted to unmake myself with drugs and alcohol. All of these things and more are the direct result of dealing with depression. I had no hope for a better tomorrow. I knew that the day I would face tomorrow would be exactly the same as the day I’ve had every day for the last several years.
How did you feel when your child was born? I felt nothing. When you got engaged to a wonderful person? Again, nothing. Any sense of pride in a commendation or promotion at work? Still nothing. No sense of accomplishment, no pride; just the void. Depression devours EVERYTHING and leaves only emptiness behind. Then, one day, the person will eventually get tired of it. They will have a moment of weakness and attempt to end their life because they just cannot deal with it anymore. Humans are not meant to exist in an emotional void, but we do it for years at a time. And we are so tired from this journey.
That’s why we need people like you to understand that this is an illness. It’s not just a feeling. It’s invasive and we need your help in continuing to look forward. We know we should have hope, because there is wellness somewhere out there for us. But we periodically need someone to remind us of that. We need them to just be there in our darkest moments. You do not need to have answers or try to fix us. It is beyond what you can contribute. And yes, we know it will hurt watching someone you care about suffer. But really, it’s alright. We have walked this road for a long time. We can continue to do so once we get through this moment of weakness to get back to the pursuit of mental wellness.
My name is Dennis, and this is just part of my story. Someone you love and care about is going through similar circumstances. They need you to understand that this is a serious medical issue. Or would you prefer to find out at their funeral while wringing your hands over why they committed suicide? I hope not. I really cannot afford the airfare to come and point out “I told you so”.
There are a number of great resources available on the internet for helping someone with a mood disorder like depression. Educate yourself. It could very well save the life of someone you love.
Sincerely,
Dennis H.
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This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
