Tag: bipolar information

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On Bipolar Disorder And Manic-Depression…

It’s about time I touched on the difference between Bipolar Disorder and Manic-Depression. I’ve talked to a number of older folks who were diagnosed as Manic-Depressive but insisted they are not Bipolar. I’ve talked to a therapist and two doctors that have insisted Manic-Depression was the same as being Bipolar. Misinformation runs deep and opinions abound.

Let’s begin with a little history lesson. The first recorded identification and separation of the Disorder occurred in 1025 by a Persian physician and philosopher by name of Ibn Sīnā (Avicenna). Avicenna wrote a five tome encyclopedia of current medical knowledge called The Canon of Medicine that separated a manic-depressive psychosis from things like schizophrenia and pure mania.

The modern understanding of the illness came around 1850 when two opposing French psychiatrists, Jean-Pierre Falret and Jules Baillarger, both presented their identification and understanding of the Disorder. One called it “dual-form insanity” while the other referred to it as “circular insanity”. The two psychiatrists would go on to bitterly feud over who was the first to conceptualize the Disorder and bring it into modern thinking.

The concepts were further honed by German psychiatrist Emil Kraepelin who studied patients with the mental illness and coined the term “manic depressive psychosis” to describe the behavior.

It was none other than Dr. Carl Jung who would go on to refine the illness further. In 1903, he introduced the idea of hypomanic states. Hypomanic states were severe enough to cause significant disruption to the patient’s life but were not severe enough to warrant the term “psychosis”.

The first American Psychology Association Diagnostic Manual published in 1952 included “manic-depressive reaction”. The second amended that to “manic-depressive illness”. A number of revelations and research about the mood disorder saw the name changed again to “Bipolar Disorder” with the third edition of the DSM in 1980.

Manic-Depression evolved from a single, all inclusive name to a more refined categorization of names with classifications. Today, we have Type 1, Type 2, Cyclothemic, and Uncategorized Bipolar Disorders. Each represents specific nuances about the way patients experience the Disorder.

The term Manic-Depression no longer exists in the way it was once thought of. At best, it can describe a Type 1 Bipolar, because Type 1s actually experience mania and depression. Type 2s do not escalate to that kind of extent. Cyclothemics and Uncategorized Bipolar Disorders can vary depending on the person. A quick thumb through the new editions of the DSM will show that Manic-Depression is no longer present in the category of Mood Disorders.

I have noticed several claims as to why this change was put forward. They range from the fact that Manic-Depression just didn’t cover the entirety of the illness to trying to remove associated stigma with the term manic (maniac) to patients getting it confused with Major Depression. Personally, I think it was just the natural evolution of the acquisition of new information. The terminology didn’t reflect the reality of the Disorder so it needed to be changed to represent our new information.

So there you go, an extremely cliff notes version of the history of the naming convention of Bipolar Disorder. It’s important that we all stay knowledgeable about our mental illness so we can communicate effectively with doctors and therapists.

Fascinating to know the first written acknowledgment of the Disorder was in 1025, especially given the number of people who insist it is a modern invention to sell psych medication.

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Am I To Blame Or Is Bipolar Disorder?

This post was inspired by an off-handed comment made by a Bipolar woman I know. I hope this perspective can help you see yourself in a more positive light.

We Bipolars are no strangers to screwing up and destroying the things we care most about. Behind each of us is a trail of ashes, shattered dreams, and broken relationships. The way you look at those things is important. I’ve talked to many Bipolar and Depressive people who shoulder the blame entirely. They feel that since they couldn’t control themselves in a moment of “weakness”; that they are only to blame for the situation. They shoulder the responsibility and do not want to use their illness as an excuse.

There is a problem with that. Let’s say you break your arm. The cause of the broken arm is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter if you did it to yourself out of stupidity or if it was an accident by someone else. The bottom line, you have a broken arm and you’re not going to be doing any heavy lifting with it until it heals. It doesn’t matter how you feel about it, the circumstances, how pissed off, sad, or judgmental other people may get about it; your arm is presently not working correctly.

An unwell cycle is the same. An unwell cycle means your brain is not working the way it should be. You’re sick and your decisions will be tainted by that sickness. How is a Bipolar person supposed to make decisions with clarity when their mind is feeding them misinformation about the world around them, their feelings, and their lives? Is it fair to hold yourself to the same standards that you would a normal person even though you have a “broken arm” at the time?

We wind up getting assigned or assigning ourselves the shitty labels of society for our actions. Are they deserved? Let’s look at an example…

A devoted Bipolar husband is faithful to his wife for 8 years. He loses his job, money and stress become an issue, his mind takes off into a manic cycle. His Bipolar brain concludes that the arguing is because his wife hates him and is preparing to leave him. His emotions are distorted due to the Disorder and that devoted love flips to smoldering hate. He walks out the front door and shacks up with another woman.

Eventually, his brain crashes and corrects. His thoughts are now clear and he can see the situation for what it is. His wife didn’t hate him, their arguments stemmed from the lack of income, a common stress in relationships. The husband’s emotions are snapped back to what they were before he swung unwell because that is the real him. The devoted, faithful husband who walked out on and cheated on his wife is back to being the devoted, faithful husband.

A common statement is that the husband had a choice. That’s absolutely true. He did have a choice. But how hard was it to make that choice? You don’t believe things when you’re unwell, you KNOW things with the same kind of ferocity and fervor that you know you love your mother (assuming you do, fill in someone that doesn’t suck if yours blows). He didn’t think his wife was planning to leave, he KNEW. And that knowledge fueled his rage and hate which made it even harder for him to make the right decision.

So where does that leave the couple? The husband’s perception of himself? The wife’s perception of him? Any family members or friends that happened to be privy to what was going on?

Everyone is going to be sympathetic to the wife when in actuality, the husband probably needs it more. He just ripped up and destroyed a core tenet of who he was, hurt the woman he was devoted to in a way that can never truly be repaired, and now everyone that doesn’t understand the Disorder thinks he’s an asshole. But he’s not an asshole. His brain was broken and not working correctly at the time. The wife knows he’s not an asshole because she knows there’s a difference between the loving man that she married and the stranger he becomes. It may or may not make it any easier to swallow the situation; that is really dependent on the individual.

Is it a reason or an excuse? Are you using the Disorder as a reason or an excuse?

Ideally, he would confess to his actions and do what needed to be done to repair the relationship. Sick or not, the onus is on each of us to take responsibility for our unwell actions and try to make it up to the people we damage in our wellness. Some people can forgive and move past it, others cannot.

Is it fair for the husband to think of himself as a betrayer and adulterer? I don’t believe so, even though he had an affair. What happens if you remove Bipolar Disorder from the equation? What are you left with? You’re left with a loving, devoted husband who would have not had that affair if it weren’t for that unwell cycle. Had he been “normal”, it would have just been marital stress and a spat that had needed resolved.

Once you add back in the Disorder, the metaphorical “broken arm”, now his actions take on a different meaning than what you would hold a normal person to.

And I can hear it now, “What about the wife? What about her feelings on the situation?” It’s not my place to tell someone how to feel about a situation, so I do not. I wouldn’t tell her that she should just get over it or even forgive him, because that’s not my decision to make. I don’t know her emotional tolerances, what she’s willing to shoulder, what she’s willing to try to work through. She has to decide that for herself. She is entitled to feel whatever she feels and it should be dealt with in a way that makes sense for the couple; not to everyone that has an opinion based on their stereotyped perceptions of “correct”.

Many of us Bipolars and Depressives have poor opinions of ourselves because of our long lists of failures. I was no different for a long time. I saw very little positive about myself though plenty of people tried to show me otherwise. After I was diagnosed, I was able to objectively look at my history, actions, and path in life. I came to realize that I wasn’t all of those negative things I thought I was because I wasn’t like that when I was balanced. It was only when I was unbalanced did things really come off the rails.

I know that’s a narrative a lot of Bipolar people out there face as well. They haven’t learned to see who they really are versus who they are while unwell. The person may think they are unlovable, unworthy, irresponsible, hateful, unfaithful, or just plain old crazy. But what happens if you set aside the mental illness? Who are you when you’re balanced? Do you even know? Or have you been dealing with it for so long that you don’t really know who that person is?

You are not your illness. You are not the walls you had to build to minimize the damage of the Disorder. Somewhere behind the Disorder and the walls is a person smothered by the weight of the illness and the pain it created in your life. So be kind to yourself. Give yourself a little leeway when the Disorder fucks things up for you. No one will ever get it 100% right. Most people won’t get it or “understand” our personal circumstances even if they want to; that’s just something we have to come to terms with. It doesn’t mean everyone won’t though.

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Mood Disorder Wellness Hinges On The Afflicted

Many challenges exist for the Depressed or Bipolar person in their quest for wellness. The challenges faced by our loved ones trying to help us can seem insurmountable. It’s been a commonly stated belief (at least among the crap that I’ve read and professionals I’ve talked to) that wellness hinges entirely on the afflicted. I strongly believe in this point. We are the ones that need to make necessary lifestyle changes, take our meds, go to the doctors, actually communicate with them, work to understand our own brains and their bullshit, and then incorporate all of that crap into pursuing wellness while juggling whatever else life is throwing at us. That’s exhausting just typing it.

But then we have the loved ones on the sidelines who don’t know how to help. How do you navigate the chaos and turmoil? How do you help that person strive for more?

There are no simple answers. And there no simple answers because each of us is an individual who have our own likes, dislikes, and personality. What’s important to me and drives me towards wellness may mean jack shit all to the next guy or gal.

The following general points should provide some thoughts on a developing a fairly personal approach that will hopefully help chip through the walls to a loved one.

1. The approach must be personal. If you’re the loved one of someone who is struggling, you’ve already got a good idea of what is important to that person. Those are the things that you want to leverage to help guide them towards wellness. It may be a career path, relationship with a family member, school; whatever. It doesn’t matter. The point is, it can be used as leverage to help steer the chaos in a general direction.

Tact entirely matters- which feels very strange for me to say. Do not be dishonest in your approach otherwise you’ll alienate the person as soon as they figure it out. But use the truth to help pull them back. Ensure that what you are saying is done so in a way they can understand and relate to.

An example on selling suppositories:

Right: This suppository will provide relief for XYZ condition for 12 hours.

Wrong: Cram this up your ass for relief from XYZ for 12 hours.

They both say the same thing but in entirely different ways. An example of how I’d approach a Bipolar person:

“Look, I know things are going to shit right now; but if you educate yourself and commit to getting well, you can get back into college and finish your degree once you’re rebalanced. But you’re not going to be able to do that while your moods are bouncing back and forth.”

Continue to calmly reinforce that THEY HAVE THE POWER as often as you can. Remember that you’re trying to hammer through the wall of fucked emotions that mood disorders create. That does include the helplessness, powerlessness, and pointlessness that depression instills in the person. It takes time and persistence to hammer through that bullshit.

2. Once you are through, you want to have a solid path for them to walk. Once they’re hearing you, you want to get them going on the path before the depression and self-doubt has time to destroy the progress. The longer they’re able to think about it; the more they will convince themselves to not do what is necessary to get well. It’ll come as any flavor of excuse ranging from “What’s the point? It won’t work.” to “I feel fine now. Why should I?” So what’s the path?

a. An appointment with the person’s doctor or psych to discuss the situation, where the person fell off their plan, how to get back on.
b. Develop a plan of action on what they need to do to minimize damage to their lives from unwellness.
c. Implement the advice from the professional. Push the person to follow through and stay on the course.

I’m also in favor of getting folks to support groups with like-minded people. They don’t typically require contribution but it can be very helpful to be around other people going through similar if not identical circumstances. I generally encourage people to go to a few meetings for their respective mental illness just to listen. It can also offer a much needed self-esteem and confidence boost if the person is able to contribute positively to other members of the group, in the event that they decide they want to be social in the setting.

An unoccupied unwell mind can be a serious liability.

3. You have to learn patience. Patience, patience, patience. Hard to have patience when you’re watching someone you love unravel to their core and meltdown. To quote Shakespeare: “It sucks ass”. (Author’s Note: Quote may not actually be attributable to Shakespeare.)

For years I had virtually none. My range was either utter apathy or “let’s get this shit done”. But that doesn’t really work in life, does it? No. It takes time to build anything worthwhile. So goes the same with the battle for stability. There are times that it is impossible to make any real gains. You have to be able to identify those times, maintain some distance, and do your best to ensure they cannot do anything drastic while unwell.

Then, when the person hits a more level plane, you can start pushing again to try and make progress. Avoid exhausting yourself trying to swim against the current all the time.

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Of Mental Illness, Amanda Bynes, And Her Mother…

I typically don’t pay much attention to pop culture or celebrity garbage, mostly because I don’t care about it; but my eye is usually caught when mental illness comes into play. I’m always interested in the way the public perceives the person’s behavior as they are exhibiting their instabilities. Charlie Sheen was a good example. I would have bet money he was screaming through a Bipolar manic cycle when he was coming unhinged and lost his contract for Two and a Half Men. Many folks argued it was cocaine, which is a valid point if not for the length of time it ran. You would have to do a ton of cocaine to maintain that kind of pace for that length of time.

Amanda Bynes was recently trending due to the actions of her mother, Lynn, who pursued a temporary conservatorship over Amanda and won. Now, her mother has taken her off all of the psych medications she had been on for the past 9 months or so because “she hasn’t had an episode since”. The mother now claims that Amanda does not have a serious mental illness, even though she was placed on an LPS Hold which requires doctors to show evidence of grave disability as the result of mental illness or chronic alcoholism.

The basis of this move- she’s not mentally ill, it was marijuana that did it to her. If you’ve ever smoked or associated with people who smoked pot- please use this time to get the laughter and disbelief out of your system. I’ll wait.

You good? Cool.

Not only is it a great example of ignorance of mental illness; it’s a great example of the 1980’s Public Service Announcement misinformation mentality about drugs.

Yes, certain drugs can have a negative affect on people with mental illness.

But I have to say that of the hundreds of times in my life that I’ve smoked pot, hung out with several people that smoked pot, and been a third party witness to pot-smoking shenanigans; nobody ever thought it was a good idea to set fire to a neighbor’s driveway with gasoline, strip off their pants because they were on fire, retrieve their now gasoline soaked Pomeranian, run to a liquor store to the backroom to wash it off in their sink, and have a melt down when confronted by the employees which resulted in an arrest.

That’s wayyyyy too much activity for someone who was supposedly under heavy influence of pot.

Some have posited that removing her from psych meds and claiming it was pot is a form of damage control. I don’t think her mother is stupid; just ignorant. I don’t think that her or her lawyers would be dumb enough to think you could “damage control” 4 years of drastic instability that even had Courtney Love of all people tweeting to her to “Get it together girl”. When Courtney Love acknowledges that you have a problem- you have a fucking problem.

And this long ass intro leads into the point of this post. What I’m seeing from her mother is something I see on a regular basis from the loved ones of folks with mental illness. It’s often just related from the mentally ill person rather than the third party.

It centers around that person’s inability to accept their own perceived “failures”. You take a mother who loves her daughter, has had pretty significant difficulties in her life over 30 years or so, but she loves her unconditionally and does everything she can to create a better life for her. Now, you reveal that the daughter has been hiding some pretty significant behaviors from her mother for a long time. Cutting, drinking too much to cope, drugs, reckless behavior, maybe even a suicide attempt or two. The daughter gets worse with age to the point where her quieter behavior suddenly starts getting much louder. Now she’s getting hauled in by the cops, setting fires, doing the insane shit that severely mentally ill people do.

What goes on in the mother’s mind? Some parents are able to adapt and help. Others can’t. They would “know” if their child was mentally ill. They did everything in their power to make sure that child was taken care of and had opportunities in their life; so they couldn’t possibly have a mental illness. Acknowledging that their child has a mental illness is a blow to them as a person because it’s easy to perceive it as them failing their child. How could someone you love miss something that important and major? Well; it’s pretty simple actually. It’s not like everyone is walking around with a PhD in psychology or anything.

And in Amanda’s case; she was successful. A multimillionaire and retired by 26, as she said. So in her mother’s mind; it couldn’t possibly be Amanda’s mental health that was exploding. No, it must have been the pot even though there is a mountain of evidence to the contrary. Mental illness doesn’t care about how wealthy you are. It’ll tear down a wealthy person just as easily as a poor person. But her mother is ignoring all of the evidence supporting mental illness and taking her off a medication cocktail that is commonly used for schizophrenia.

I’d give her less than six months to have another psychotic episode if she sticks to this course of action.

Pride has no place in this struggle. Whether you’re a supporter or mentally ill; pride is an enemy. We must all understand that we can fuck things up. Pride prevents apologies, it prevents acceptance, it prevents progress.

If I’m right about her mother’s mindset; her pride is undermining Amanda’s mental wellness. Is the daughter going to listen to her mother or her doctors? Many people would trust their mother more and wind up screwed for an even longer period of time. Who knows how long her mother’s decision is going to set back her mental wellness? It could be years. Or maybe Amanda will remember how much better she felt on the meds and get back on them soonish. Who knows?

If you are in a similar situation or were handed this article by someone; it’s not your fault or any kind of knock on you as a person if you missed a mental illness. Lots of people don’t understand or “get it”. It’s no flaw to have not understood what your loved one was going through.

What is a flaw is a refusal to acknowledge the evidence that supports it when it’s staring you in the face. That refusal can fuck your loved one over far into the future. The past is done. Help your loved one reach a better, saner future for themselves.

And regardless of the position you are in; educate yourself on the claims being made about the person in your life. I can’t tell you the number of people I’ve talked to who are diagnosed Bipolar that couldn’t tell me what Bipolar Disorder is. How the hell are you supposed to help yourself or anyone else if you don’t understand what the claims are? It doesn’t matter if you’re the loved one or the mentally ill one; educate yourself!

I get asked constantly “what books do you recommend?” and my answer is always the same- “All of them.” Read anything and everything you can get your hands on. Mental illness is an intensely personal experience. If you’re Bipolar, you can read a book about another Bipolar person that has no relation to how you experience the Disorder. Now you’re questioning if that’s actually the case when the next book may have struck home for you. Read everything you can get your hands on. That way you’ll have a much better idea of how to help your loved one or help yourself.

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Approaching Mood Disorders As Partners In A Relationship

Decision making is not one of the strong suits of an unwell, mentally ill person. The unwell brain can potentially convince us that anything is not only a great idea; but the best idea of our lives. This is apparent by sifting through the ashes of the remains of our collective pasts. I would venture to say that one would be hard pressed to find a person with a mood disorder without some fond memories of a circumstance before they torched it. Friendships, relationships, employment opportunities, alcohol and drug abuse, broken homes; and the shitloads of other things I’m not listing.

Understanding that we do have this problem with a skewed perception of the world can go a long way towards managing it. I am Bipolar with severe Depression. I KNOW, 100% KNOW, that I am periodically going to make awful or stupid decisions because my brain is a dysfunctional piece of shit. I know that I have to be constantly on guard to ensure that I do not make unwell decisions. I also know that no one is perfect and no matter how vigilant I am, I will make mistakes. Everyone will.

We can minimize these mistakes through communication and leaning on people we can trust. If I get a “great” idea about something- I run it past one of the people I trust to see if it is actually a good idea or if I’m just insane at the moment. Even if they agree, I typically sit on it for a little while just in case.

Those of you who are married, in long-term relationships, or even have adult children; those people can help you separate fact from fiction if you have a decent relationship. It takes a little understanding on both sides though. The well member of the relationship needs to be able to handle getting a more direct line into the unwell’s mind.

Let’s say that Steve’s wife Maria is Bipolar. One day, she pipes up with “I don’t love you anymore, I met someone else, and I’m leaving.” Steve can’t afford to let his own emotions overwhelm him. Is there a basis for these feelings? Were they happy up until recently? Has Maria been exhibiting any of her symptoms of being manic?

If she has, then Steve can point that out to her. “You haven’t been sleeping, your thoughts and words have been all over the place; you seem like you’re manic right now. We were content and working things out just fine until just a couple weeks ago. Why don’t you wait before doing anything? Get in to see your doctor and see if you need your meds adjusted. If you still feel the same a couple months down the road then we’ll readdress it.”

This example is a simple break down of a complex situation. There will undoubtedly be a lot of emotions, turmoil, and probably conflict. There is a chance that Maria will insist she is perfectly fine and completely clear at the moment. On the other hand, if the two of you have communicated ahead of time about working through these periods together; then hopefully she will be able to see the logic in Steve’s words and he will know not to react too negatively when they occur.

Because they WILL occur.

If you are in a relationship and either party is Bipolar; it affects you both very deeply. Hoping that everything will be alright or failing to acknowledge that unwell periods will occur in the future is just pointless wishful thinking. Want to make things work? Then you have to communicate and strategize BEFORE it becomes an issue. Have the plan laid out ahead of time so you can fall back to it.

The flurry of emotions and erratic thoughts makes it very hard to make good decisions while you’re unwell. The idea is to have these decisions made before it becomes relevant. That way the well party can point at it and say “Look, we talked about this while you were balanced and this is what we agreed to. We need to stick to that if we want to make things work.”

One pitfall the well party will want to avoid is overusing it. Save it for the really serious stuff otherwise the mentally ill partner will start to resent it. You don’t want to conclude that every bit of conflict or anger is due to an unwell cycle. We get pissed off and irritated about stuff too without flying into La-La Land. Save it for the stuff that has the potential to severely damage the relationship.

There are times when no amount of logic, pre-planning, or effort will work. The unwell mind is just too far out there to be brought back without something serious happening. At times like this, you may not have any recourse. Sometimes all you can do is let things play out how they will if the person isn’t a direct threat to themselves or someone else.

It is our instinct to want to help the people we care about. We, as humans, want to try and get things fixed immediately if they are broken. This is normal. The problem is that mental illness is abnormal. Relationship problems with a mentally ill person cannot always be remedied in a typical way.

But there is good news in all of this. Relationships with a person with a mood disorder (including Bipolar Disorder) are doable. By educating oneself, the well person can learn to identify the symptoms of when their loved one is getting unstable. These symptoms present the same way that a stuffy nose and a cough may indicate a cold. A Bipolar person that hasn’t been sleeping and is rambling nonstop about nothing is probably getting manic. The well person can then point it out to the Bipolar, potentially catching an unwell period before it gets going full steam.

Children are another major factor. I have met so many people that want to shield their kids from a parent’s mental illness. I understand the reasoning. It’s a difficult subject. I think it is a bit absurd to think that children don’t know that something is up. They know when mom or dad “gets in a mood” they shouldn’t bother them. They may not be able to put a name to it but they know something is up. Anyone that spends an excessive amount of time around an unwell person is going to figure it out eventually.

My personal opinion is that more children should be included. Mature kids or adult children can even be a valuable ally in pointing out when things are a bit awry with Mom or Dad. I feel there is a great benefit in helping to reduce stigma and increase awareness as well. If we treat it as just another part of life that some people have to deal with, perhaps they will be more comfortable about coming forward with their own problems should they develop.

I know that for years I thought what was going on in my head was normal stuff that everyone else dealt with too. I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that I had very little exposure to mental illness besides through media sources. Mental illness is much quieter than we are often exposed to through the media.

I believe that by confronting it together, things will be much better for everyone involved.

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Random Reflections On A Bipolar Life

I don’t usually use this blog for random musing type things but I think today is going to be an exception. Today, I just want to talk about some of the catalysts that changed how I viewed my life and past in general.

I spent about 15 years undiagnosed and lived a pretty rough existence during that time. There were times I would come back, crash with family, and level off. But every time I went out and tried to get some shit accomplished on my own my brain would just rocket all over the place. The tally is about 7 suicide attempts, college, 25ish jobs, 2 engagements, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, living in a Detroit ghetto; and a bunch of shit that isn’t coming to mind at the moment.

Then I got my diagnosis and I started to look at my past. Everything started making more sense. I did very well for myself and in jobs when I was well. It took diagnosis for me to realize that the unwell periods are when I tore everything to the ground. I’d not only burn my bridges, but I’d defecate on the ashes, whip my dick out to whoever was on the other side, and feel damned fine doing it. That was the illness.

I went through a period where I mourned a lot of the things that the Disorder cost me. There were so many opportunities I had in front of me that I could not capitalize on because I ended up tearing them all down. I felt bad about past relationships because none of the women I’ve been involved with have been the superficial or flaky types. None of those relationships failed from lack of love or affection. Instead, it was mostly my insanity that created the gaps that ended them. I was afraid of what my future was going to look like since I had been unable to build anything of real use from 17 to almost 30.

But then I stumbled on a particular career path- a Peer Specialist. Peer Specialists are people who have recovered from things like alcoholism, drug addiction, and mental illness who are trained to assist other people who are going through the same issues. It’s a fairly new discipline but several of the ideas are present in groups like Alcoholics Anonymous. The idea that there is no person better suited to help than someone who has already lived it.

In the case of the Peer Specialist, the binding motto is- “Doctors are best suited to treat the illness. Peer Specialists are best suited to treat the person.” And that’s to take nothing away from medical professionals that actually strive to do their jobs well and help people. However, I am confident that a vast majority of us can easily recall bad experiences with medical professionals who either didn’t know what they were talking about or just didn’t give a shit. It’s a profession like any other. Some people are going to be good, most mediocre, and some terrible.

I was able to find a lot of internal peace with myself, my past, and my future upon learning of this profession. All of those years of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and insanity weren’t just lost. It was my education. It was my college and my graduate school. All of that negativity can be turned to something positive that I can use to help other people that really need it and are ready for it.

I spent a lot of years wondering where I was going to end up in the future- if I was going to wind up homeless or giving into those dark thoughts to kill myself. It wasn’t until I realized that my pain had value in itself that I started to find peace with myself. I threw off my desire to be perceived or accepted as “normal”. I embraced who I truly was.

And who am I? I am a Type 2 Bipolar. I’m a mostly regular guy who wants to see people have happier lives. I learned that acceptance from the “normals” is entirely irrelevant from the gangbangers, hustlers, and criminals I lived around in Detroit. For every one “hardcore mutha fucka” there were more that absolutely hated their position in life, didn’t want to be there, but had no way to escape.

This was best illustrated in an article I read a couple months back. The headline was something to the effect of “Poll Reveals Gangmembers Prefer Work Over Crime”. Now, for those of you that do not understand why that poll is retarded; let’s look at a couple quick facts. Average life expectancy of a gangmember is 25. Being in a gang means your life is going to progress on one of three avenues- the hospital, prison, or death.

Ignore the word gangmember and just think for a minute. Would you, or anyone you know, want to be in a profession that will absolutely end in death, jail, or the hospital most likely by 25? Fuck, no! Would you want to be in a position where you got to bury your friends and family members on a regular basis? No one does! The idea that a majority want that life is -fucking stupid-.

These things taught me humility. I’m not fucking important in this world and no matter how bad my shit is someone always has it worse. But I’m not stupid enough to think I can change the world. My goal is to just leave the life of the person I’m interacting with in a better state than I found it. That’s it. That’s the core of my approach towards life, towards myself, and chasing happiness.

And I’m not saying that everyone can or should be helped. I’ve met some pretty terrible people both in the ghetto and just in my general walk of life. I’ve dealt with a couple mentally ill people I would never trust or even extend a hand of friendship to because of their borderline criminal, dangerous mentalities.

But those people are relatively few and far between. They aren’t the norm by any means.

The primary point I want you to take away from this post is this- don’t be ashamed or afraid of the path you’ve walked so far. There are many ways to turn a really negative life into something positive. It may take some time, the road ahead may be completely unclear; but that doesn’t mean it’s not there.

And if you’re interested in possibly pursuing a career as a Peer Specialist; you should know that Social Security will pay for training through their vocational rehab program (provided you’re in). The training and the certification process are only about 40 hours. It differs from state to state. If you’re not on SS, a lot of times the entity that hires you will pay for the training. (Every example I’ve seen has been that they do; but I obviously can’t know every policy.)

Be good to yourself. Be a bit kinder to yourself. And don’t hesitate to say “I understand” to someone who’s struggling. You’ll meet some very interesting people. I know I have!

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